Gensokyo One Grand Prix
by G.N. Over-Kite
Summary: Every once in a while, an incident occurs in the land of Gensokyo. In between each one, a strange competition or craze would involve many of its inhabitants. This is the tale of one of those competitions. Join the many maidens and few men of Gensokyo, as they tackle the many trials surrounding the G-1 Grand Prix! IMPORTANT NOTE! Chapter 2 split up, both chapters are greatly edited.
1. Adventures In Shopkeeping

**Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Welcome to my first fanfiction ever! I've had this idea for not a lot of time. It still took me a few weeks to get my act together. Hope this doesn't reflect in my future upload schedule…**

**This was inspired by a few things; mainly the Touhou Kart topic over at the Talkhaus (I am not affiliated with either the project nor the Talkhaus forums), followed by rediscovering F-Zero GX, and then listening to its music online, along with other racing game soundtracks. Although driving games are what **_**drove**_** me to do this, there won't be any driving here.**

**If you find this story funny or amusing, or if you take issue with my writing style, or find errors, please leave a review or PM. Both kinds of criticism are necessary for growing as a writer. Thank you for your time, enjoy. (Edit 9/22/13: Big thanks to ****Another Man**** for the spacing advice! It was a mess!)**

**Rated T: for suggestive themes and all around Yukari**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Touhou Project or anything else I might reference in any way, shape, or form. Touhou Project is the property of ZUN, aka Team Shanghai Alice. This is a non-profit fanwork.**

**Original Post: 8/17/13**

**Edited Post: 9/22/13**

* * *

Chapter 1: Prelude to the Starting Line: Adventures in Shopkeeping

_Kourindou_

_Around Midday_

It was yet another lazy day for Rinnosuke Morichika. The sun is at its highest and is bearing down rather harshly today. Out in the distance, the horizon appears to be simmering in the same way as lampreys do on the grill. Who knows how anyone would fare going out in such heat? Despite having his store open for business shortly after sunrise, no one had even so much as loitered around Kourindou. Not many visit anyway, much less actually purchase or trade for his goods. There are many reasons for this, actually. Let me count the ways…

First off, the location of Kourindou is not friendly for the residents of the Human Village; it runs close to the entrance to the Forest of Magic, a place where only the trigger-happiest of maidens dare enter. Additionally, almost all of his wares originate from the Outside World. Even though Rinnosuke can ascertain the purpose of any items he happens upon with his ability, he knows squat about how to get them to work. He also has a habit of _not selling_ anything he deems interesting enough to experiment with or just to be fascinated with. As you can probably guess, this counts for _almost all_ _of his stock_.

Finally, there is very little interest in what he sells. Sure, his clientele mostly consists of the ladies we all know and …love, but very few of actually deal with his business, at least legitimately. Again, his wares are mainly things from outside Gensokyo. No points for guessing how much he actually sells. No one is clamoring for some gray brick that provides user-inputted entertainment, or a palm-sized device that supposedly houses a library of music within. Well, no one but some _strange_ people claiming to be outsiders. They could very well be who they say they are, but no one has heard from such a person again, at least not more than once…

Rinnosuke shakes his collar in an attempt to cool him down, wearing the usual blue get-up out of a lack of suitable clothes.

"_Perhaps I'll try out that new ice box that Yukari has left in my cellar. I've heard that ice over tea does wonders for cooling off" _thought Rinnosuke.

If there's anyone that actually does something for his shop, it's always Yukari Yakumo, the Youkai of Boundaries. But now's not the time to talk about how she gets involved. You know she will.

"Excuse me?"

Rinnosuke goes to open a hatch leading to his cellar, and—

"Excuuuse me?"

Umm…The so-called Ice Box was a man-sized blocky device that needed to stay away from heat in order to—

"Now wait just a moment there!"

* * *

A tear in space promptly opens up, revealing an unearthly purple expanse, filled with _**eyes that blink and stare at some unseen presence!**_ It also seems to be adorned with cute ribbons on both sides of the gap. Wait a minute…_**the eyes are staring right at—!**_

"You have some nerve to just gloss over my grand introduction like that! Quit indulging yourself in your fantasies, Mister Author, and face me!"

**J-j-jj-just then, a figure emerged from the gap. A rather y-youthful looking blonde woman wearing a dress with designs evocative of both Eastern and West—**

"And you just carry on like I'm not even here. *sigh* Honestly, how could someone not even from Gensokyo be so cheeky as to ignore me…?"

**What d-do you want me to say?**

**"**Hmm, I don't want _you_ to say anything. Do you even _know_ who I am?"

**O-of course I do! Almost everyone who reads Touhou Project fanfiction is familiar with who you are! You're practically a fixture in every story with an outsider.**

"Oh, whatever do you mean when you say _fanfiction? _With those words, the timelessly young Youkai of Bondaries, Yukari Yakumo, then opened up her fan and held it up to her face, letting two _piercing _yellow eyes stare out from its cover!"

**Did you just narrate yourself?!**

"Well, it's not as if you aren't occupied right now, _Mister Author_. You'd best watch your mouth_._ No one comes to a story to hear _you_, the audience comes for the characters they know and love in various manners I won't bother to describe."

…**Y-you just want me to introduce you properly, don't you?**

"That moment has passed, but at the very least, people who _matter_ are have been reminded of how I can be. See that you don't rile me into erasing you from your reality."

**Y-yes, Miss Yakumo! Whatever you say!**

"At those words, Yukari closed up and stashed her fan in a gap. She turned toward the silly author's presence, and her smile widened."

**Please stop! I promise I won't bother you ever again, just DON'T take over the narration…**

"There's a good man. I am nothing, if not, forgiving, just don't overdo it. Besides, narrating the likes of myself quickly gets boring; I already know everything I am capable of. Now, how about you steer this story back on its intended track, hmm?"

* * *

As Rinnosuke stood there by his ice box, he couldn't help but sigh. Yukari had been talking to somebody he couldn't even see for the past few minutes. Any other person who would witness such an exchange would likely quiver in place, their face looking rather like the one on a native kedama, you know the one.

"Okay! I love you, buh-bye!" Yukari was bidding farewell to someone in an exaggerated manner.

Rinnosuke had a lot of time to develop a _very high_ level of tolerance for such shenanigans. What little amount of visitors he had, most were anything, if not weird. The weirdest of them all is visiting him as we speak.

Yukari Yakumo is the Youkai of Boundaries. She can theoretically manipulate the boundaries of anything she wishes. Entering minds, going to the moon, just plain giving established science the finger, nothing would be beyond the scope of her ability. She's also _very lazy_. Maybe it's because she can do _anything_ with ease, but she enjoys sleeping most of the day and making others do her work for her. She removes her pinkish mob cap and lets her _flowing, golden hair loose._

"Now you're just laying it on a little thick there~." She replaces her hat after the fourth wall rebuilt itself.

Rinnosuke had seen it all before, but little did he know he will suffer more than the usual misfortune today. "Good day, Miss Yakumo. What can I help you with today?"

Yukari folds away her fan, and gaps in a tall glass of iced tea. "I believe this is what you wanted to try before."

Rinnosuke receives the iced tea, shivering a little due to the sudden cold feeling. "Thank you, Yukari." said Rinnosuke. He doesn't hesitate to sample the refreshment by taking in a big gulp. "Ahhh… Who knew that tea would also do a good job cooling you down?" Rinnosuke seemed to relish the idea of tea being chilled by ice, which was not easy to acquire outside of winter and a certain ice fairy.

Yukari then adds to his last statement, "It's best to go with simple tea, as not all flavors go well with ice."

After about a minute of refreshment bliss later, Yukari finally decides to cut to the chase. "Mister Shopkeeper, I do apologize for that last episode. I merely had to transpose myself into the story early, so I could make sure that a certain _someone_ would know their place. Rest assured, the fourth wall will not be so flagrantly ignored, as long as I am around."

"But of course." Rinnosuke said. He knew better than to pry into such things.

"I have more fuel for your heater, as promised, curio man." Yukari said, gapping into view a few spout-tipped canisters of heating oil. A smile started to break through on Rinnosuke's face. Not a full one though, he had a bittersweet relationship with heating oil. As the environment began to fade into a flashback, Yukari had an incredulous look on her face, "Are we seriously going to do this _now_?"

* * *

While Rinnosuke normally kept a larger gas heater, it had since fallen into disrepair, due to an incident in which Marisa Kirisame was outrunning… outflying an angry Alice Margatroid. Whatever the cause of their falling out was, all it took was one moment of looking back at her pursuer for Marisa to plow right into the side of Kourindou. Her broom splintered against the windowsill, her body barreling through the window. Rinnosuke lost a lot of merchandise that day, and Marisa ended up sprawled about his heater. At least it was inactive.

Luckily for her, the genius doctor from the moon, Eirin Yagokoro, was visiting Kourindou when Marisa crashed in. The doctor wasn't a very charitable person, but she thought it would be pathetic if Marisa died in such a manner, lifeless and covered in trash, just like how she sleeps in her home. Yeah, she knows of the Hippocratic Oath, she just chooses to forget about it sometimes. What's that? Why was she there? You know, talking about _things._ Just _things_… Let's leave it at that. Shortly after the collision, Alice seemed to have disappeared into the night.

He had to negotiate with Yukari for a newfangled heater; blasted thing looked weird, with its vibrant black paint and its smooth cubic shape, sporting buttons he hadn't a clue what did what, despite being in Japanese. It didn't even work with just the oil, it needed electricity. While the energy needed wasn't foreign to him, he never found the means to store it, outside of finding batteries that made it from the outside. The batteries he had amassed were incompatible with the heater he bargained "eye-fones", "jumper cables", and "tamagotchi" eggs for. It had a plug… Not that he could do anything with it. Rinnosuke thought it was a tail…

Luckily for him, a friendly neighborhood kappa happened upon the shop one day and saw what needed to be done. She would bring some strange tools, connect a few things, and presto! He was gifted with a generator that had something with wheels and pedals attached to it. How fascinating! It seemed with proper movement and the proper materials; one person is capable of creating energy and channeling it into a device! Maybe…

Rinnosuke didn't exactly catch everything the kappa girl gushed on about for the hour that followed. He at least heard that the bicycle would help him pass the time with some exercise, always a good thing. Nitori eventually arrived later to collect her colleague, only to do much of the same thing… Hopefully someone would be actually able to explain the device before it gets cold. At least he got some business to show for it!

* * *

Breaking out of his flashback, Rinnosuke extended his thanks, "Excellent. The colder seasons are still some time away, but I always appreciate you doing this for me, Yukari. You can take whatever items you please." Rinnosuke was at least grateful for the services Yukari provided with her numerous, willing gaps.

Suspiciously sporting a visible vein on her forehead, she goes on to say, "Well, I figured that I should get this out of the way before I sleep for the winter. Nnh-aaahh" Yukari stretched her arms out and emphasized a dainty yawn. "In any case, I need your help with something, Mister Merchandise."

Rinnosuke stood there with a bored look. "Yukari, why do you keep _not _using my name?" he said in slight annoyance.

Yukari waves her hand in dismissal. "Details, details. Listen! I need you to help me organize an event that everyone and their shikigami could participate in! The usual thing!" Yukari said as her eyes grew wide and _sparkled._

Even if he didn't look it, Rinnosuke's stomach _dropped_ at the sight. "I don't see how I could help. You didn't even tell me what it is you want to do." RInnosuke said.

Yukari shakes her head and leans forward on a freshly summoned gap. "I want to create a sporting event in which various characters from many backgrounds band together…" Yukari raised an arm to her side, and _clenched_ her fist to the point those popping noises would _echo_ in the store's small space. She continued, "…and _crush_ any opposition in their way! All for the sake of being known as the best."

Rinnosuke's jaw dropped at the _sheer presence_ Yukari commanded with her gesture. That or the sound of her knuckles cracking may have popped his eardrums. He eventually found some words for concern, "That's fine and all, but isn't it too soon for something like this? The Hopeless Masquerade incident was only about three months ago!"

Yukari shakes her head in disapproval. "You foolish shopkeeper." Yukari then summons another gap, and reclines into it. "The last incident was almost _a week_ ago!" the gap youkai stated.

Rinnosuke stepped back in shock, he couldn't believe he could have missed such an event _so soon! _"Really? What was it about, this time?" he asked.

"Oh, it was only a thing about items rebelling against their users… Something about weaker youkai suddenly gaining the strength to fill out the usual roster…" Yukari recounted with disinterest.

Rinnosuke held a hand to his chin and started to think, "Odd… My shop is _filled_ with unique items; I wonder why I never experienced a problem with them during that time…" The shopkeeper pondered out loud.

"_It's probably because he has trained his body and mind to dismiss such anomalies. He has to deal with plenty of the other interesting folk of this land, he may as well have gotten used to such things." _thought Yukari. "_But not even he could resist the likes of me~. It's only a matter of time until you're mine, Grocery Guy! Ew, that wasn't a good one…"_

"Before you decide to go off on another tangent, we need to decide the activity that the contestants must compete in!" Yukari said with some level of eagerness.

Rinnosuke returns to a thinking posture. "Well, what _haven't_ we done yet?" Rinnosuke asked.

Yukari tilts her head in puzzlement and says, "We still have a few options. I still remember soccer like it was yesterday."

Rinnosuke nodded his head in agreement, "It was Mahjong for me. I felt as if my life were validated by a higher being that day."

Yukari began to show boredom by placing her head in her hands. "This is harder than it looks…" It's true. Over the years, Gensokyo had experienced not only its share of incidents, but plenty of seemingly isolated events. It's safe to say that sports are _not the weirdest thing_ to have happened. Yukari tries to come up with the next idea, "Hmmm… Wrestling, have we done wrestling?"

At the mention of wrestling, Rinnosuke's features stiffened. "Yes, _we've_ done wrestling…"

Yukari raised an eyebrow, "I don't recall you participating in the tag battles. A guy like you would have stood out in that crowd of ladies with attractive outfits…" She drifted off into a daydream.

If Rinnosuke was interested, he didn't look it. "It wasn't the tag battles, it was…something else." Rinnosuke said with a distant stare.

"Care to elucidate? I have the time." Yukari seemed interested in what Rinnosuke had to say. She settles into her gap and gives her attention to him.

* * *

"Very well. It looks like you've already settled in." Rinnosuke cleared his throat. "It was a simpler time, one where the fair maidens of this land were the only ones who did anything of worth." With a stern look of sudden remembrance adorning his face, he walks up to a shelf and retrieves a wooden case that lay on top.

He continued, "Rarely were the men able to amount to anything noteworthy, outside of happenstance. I was one of the few who did." Opening it reveals a pristine white loincloth, with a likeness of a muscular man flexing in his arms carved into the inside cover. Truly breathtaking.

**Wait, what?**

"Nobody knew who organized that sacred tournament. All we knew was that it was a golden opportunity to be recognized. To the men of Gensokyo, a chance to shine seemed like a gift from the gods. I was long considered the underdog, one whose muscles were dwarfed by the likes of those other legendary men. One of which was a wizened samurai, another… was a cloud spirit. The last being an ancient turtle!" Rinnosuke walked up to a window, looking up to gaze up at the sky. "Eventually, it was decided to have the four of us compete all at once, to decide who would come out on top. To decide who would stand above Heaven, and be declared its King. Many days and nights had passed since the bout began; each of us glistening with the sweat of the others, the need for victory burning brightly in our bodies…"

* * *

"Haaahhnn…!"

Yukari let out an uncharacteristically loud moan.

Brought out of his story, Rinnosuke practically snapped his neck in response to Yukari; her face flushed red, in one hand her fan doing its job, the other suspiciously through an open gap.

She takes notice of his bewildered face and casually says, "What? I only knew of the existence of your man games through Youmu's grandfather. He was _so _tight-lipped about what it is you guys _do_. But never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined you would have tried to _dominate_ the other men!"

Rinnosuke paled at the thought. Yukari was quick to correct him, "Now don't you get any ideas, I wasn't doing anything designated for mature audiences!" The shopkeeper wanted to believe her so much, but anything is fair game for Yukari to mess with. "I was merely entertaining myself, while you were going on about stuff I don't care about. _At least until that tale of about that manly contest._" Yukari said, muttering the last part under her breath. "As for that _sound_ that I made, well…"

She puts on a smile, "Ran's tails are just so fluffy, she gathers static like nobody's business!"

Rinnosuke just stood there, his mouth frozen open with embarrassment.

"_LADY YUKARI!_"

As soon as those words registered in everyone's minds, Ran Yakumo's frazzled-looking, hatless head emerges from the previous suspiciously open gap.

"Lady Yukari, I do not ask for much outside of help with Chen, but PLEASE do not rub my tails out of nowhere again…" Ran said with a blush that would rival the red of the Scarlet Mist.

As Rinnosuke just stood there for what seems like the umpteenth time, Ran turns up the professionalism and greets him, "Ah, good day to you, Morichika-san." Shwoop! There goes Ran.

"I've never wanted to go to bed so early until today." Rinnosuke said, looking as though his diligence was decidedly defeated.

Yukari just couldn't help but giggle at his despair. She moves to his side and proclaims, "It's not like I don't try. Hmm-hmm-hm. Your sullen face and your lovely story shall keep me company for those long months I will spend in hibernation."

Rinnosuke turned to face her before he shuts himself down, "Why are you doing this? Not just me, but why have Gensokyo go through something like this so soon?"

Yukari just raises her fan to her face and giggles at his despondence. The day had turned from quiet summer lounging into a seemingly random nightmare, comprised of anecdotes which brought confusion into his life, and Yukari fooling around again. Rinnosuke had now lost all will to continue his day, his facial expression vacant, barely able to stand. Rinnosuke is no longer able to function. Rinnosuke whited out. Still standing, though…

Yukari couldn't bear to see him so broken for so long, he was still _sooo_ entertaining~. And so, she _goes in for the kill_. "Would you like to feel a little better, Sir Customer Service?"

Rinnosuke twitches a little bit, "Please use my actual name, Yukari…"

She looked as if someone just cut ahead of her in line for the latest explicit-encounter doujin at Comiket. She quickly adopts a motherly smile. A smile which secretly promised ipecac in your morning miso soup.

"_Rinnosuke-san_", Yukari draws out his name with dominance masquerading as care, "What if I told you I could boost your shop's traffic and profits by a potential hundred-fold?"

Rinnosuke tilts his head towards the familiar voice. "W-what do you mean? I'm not sure if I would want to part with some of my merchandise. With so many customers, I don't think I would be able to handle it, not by myself…"

As if on cue, Yukari gaps herself in front of him, and cups his chin, making him stare back at her. "Now, now, even if you don't want profits, wouldn't you rather there be more interest in your shop? I can guarantee that, if you just follow along with what I have planned~."

Yukari then makes her exit through her gap dimension, but her words still reach Rinnosuke's ears, "I thank you for your cooperation. Of course, it's not like you ever had a choice. After all, what good is a time of peace without a little conflict? Hmhmhm, hahahaha, AHH-HAHAHAHAHAA!" Yukari's mad laughter echoes in the small space that is Kourindou. Rinnosuke finally falls to his knees, a gap forming just below him. As he sinks in, he prepares himself for what is to come…

* * *

**A/N: So once again, thank you very much for reading my first fic!**

**I guess I'll start off with my introduction into Touhou fandom. I picked up Super Mario World: Super Mario Advance 2 for the Game Boy Advance and wanted to remember how to access Top Secret Area. I went on Youtube for the answer, only to get distracted by the other options. Plenty of Mario hacks, plenty of videos, it ate up my time until I found ProtonJon's famous Kaizo videos. Through him, I found out about Raocow, who was doing the hack Scarlet Devil Mario at the time.**

**Needless to say, I didn't know what the hell was up with anything Touhou about it, so I looked it up. I got music, more specifically, Beloved Tomboyish Daughter. The rest was history. However, I've never played any of the games… That's another story I'm not willing to get into right now… I know of the characters through a combination of videos, doujins, and TVTropes. I can already feel everyone's danmaku ready to kill me...**

**Allow me to say some stuff concerning the story and what I have in store. First off, I've been sitting on this chapter for two weeks now. I always go back and see what needs sprucing up, patching up plot holes, or just trashing things I'm unsatisfied with. **_**This is most likely the reason new chapters will take time to be uploaded. **_**I hold myself to such standards because I feel the audience deserves better. (Edit 9/22/2013: Once again, props to ****Another Man****, for bringing attention to the walls of text that I so carelessly left in.)**

**I hope you have enjoyed this chapter, because things are about to get crazy up in Gensokyo.**

**Next chapter will feature some of the usual suspects in terms of protagonists, along with other characters I want to bring up. You'll know them when you see them. Care to venture a guess? More details about the circuit will be revealed, along with who's participating, and who won't.**

**Fun facts about this chapter, yes, Yukari did indeed break the fourth wall to talk to the author. No, I didn't experience a power trip when I wrote that, whatareyoutalkingabout? Rest assured that kind of thing won't happen again. Maybe. Also, no bonus points for who Yukari took that farewell quote from… Uh huh, certain Touhou fanworks were referenced. The Mahjong game was unofficial, but Rinnosuke's theme was composed by ZUN for it. Touhou Soccer is also a thing. Touhou Tag Dream as well. Just be careful when looking that last one up, the comic is suggestive, but the host may not be safe for work… Traverse Danbooru at your own risk. (I do not condone viewing of non-safe works if you are not of age or properly responsible for your actions.)**

**As of this writing, the full game for **_**Double Dealing Character**_** has been out for 6 days. I want to see what I can do for those characters, but they may be relegated to cameos or omake for now. I'll see what I can do, but eh…**

**Oh, and speaking of omake, here's one for you! (Edit 9/22/13: After this chapter, if there is an omake, it will be placed before the Author's Note.) Enjoy!**

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Omake 1: A Maiden's Nonillusionary Fluffiness ~ Fluffy Tail Fantasy

_Mayohiga, Yukari's House_

_Around midday_

Yukari had left for Kourindou a short time ago. Ran Yakumo, her kitsune shikigami, had been left in charge of her master's house in her absence. Normally, Ran's disposition would either be run ragged by her master's ridiculous decrees, or casually tested by "simple" errands. For a short time, Ran was in control. The moment she knew that Yukari was predisposed, she bolted for the new carpet that was laid out in the living room. A plush, airy texture that felt like she was on a cloud, this was bliss to her, having long been rendered immune to her own nine tails' fluffy charm. Ran let out a content sigh as she rolled around on the carpet.

As she continued to lose track of the time, she began to notice her hair and the fur on her tails were starting to look disheveled, no doubt due to not only her carpet session, but also the static electricity that was built up. Before she could muster up the will to leave her comfort, a hand had reached out to her and touched her tails.

"Haaahhnn…!" She heard a familiar voice moan out in surprise.

"Oh, no…!" Ran had failed to take into account her master's ability to open boundaries and teleport to places. Yukari had reached out to pet her tails for whatever reason, and now she had been found out!

"Ah-aa-haha…" Ran could only stammer in embarrassment. It was time to do some damage control.

She sticks her head into the gap her master had left behind and yelled, "_LADY YUKARI!_" As soon as her head popped out into Kourindou, and she knew she had Yukari's attention, Ran began to plead, "Lady Yukari, I do not ask for much outside of help with Chen, but PLEASE do not rub my tails out of nowhere again…" Ran couldn't suppress her blush as she uttered those words.

She couldn't help but notice that Rinnosuke Morichika was staring at her ever since she appeared. Of course, how could she be so rude as to not address the owner of the shop? Her face quickly transforms from cutesy to professional and she greeted him, "Ah, good day to you Morichika-san." SHWOOP! Ran had made her exit.

As the gap closed behind her, Ran shivered in fear. Yukari would undoubtedly punish her for undignifying her the way she did. There was only one thing to do…

Ran body-splashed onto the plush carpet for what felt like could be the last time. As she bunched up and shuffled up a storm, she didn't take notice of the other resident happening upon the scene.

"Ran-sama?"

There was only silence. Ran uncurled herself and saw her own shikigami, Chen, staring at her in disbelief. The nekomata turned about-face and walked away from the disgraceful sight that was her master.

"W-wait, Chen, I can explain! I was just, uh, umm…" Ran knew there was no excuse for what she did. Was Chen jealous of the carpet? Did she want attention that her own mother figure couldn't provide, as it was being given to an inanimate object?

Ran just sat there for a minute, until to her surprise, Chen returned to the room, with a bucket of water in hand. At this, Ran was confused, "W-why are you carrying that around with you?" She said as Chen hoisted the bucket over her shoulder.

At last, Chen spoke, "This is for your own good, Ran-sama." Her eyes narrowed into a cat-like glare, "That carpet is _my carpet!_" Ran could only see her world slowing down, as Chen heaved the bucket and let loose a torrent of water onto Ran's super-charged body.

This was the price for paradise.

* * *

**Please leave a review! Until next time, take care, everyone!**


	2. Eastern Summer and the Sweltering Shrine

**A/N: 124 views and 2 reviews… a resounding success! Is that good? I don't know, can someone tell me if that's good? In any case, thank you, all who have read this! Review if you liked it! Or if you didn't! Criticism is good!**

**Big thanks to ****Another Man**** for the advice on spacing. I've edited the first chapter to reflect this. Also because it was a cluttered mess, it was difficult to tell who was talking. To the first Anonymous reviewer, I never thought I would capture **_**any**_** character as canon. I'm afraid that if canon is what you're looking for, you won't find it here.**

**Edit 10/20/13:**** IMPORTANT NOTICE! So, the original Chapter 2 was a big upload of over 22,000 words… I thought it would have been a good idea at first to get everything out of the way, but in the end, I wasn't satisfied with how it turned out. This chapter has now been split in two, and has gone through a process that leaves the new chapters in what is called… an Enhanced Edition. Yes, a lot has been retconned and changed, but I'm much more pleased with how this turned out!**

**This chapter is rated T for suggestive themes, language, and copious amounts of burning hot maiden action.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Touhou Project. Touhou Project is the property of ZUN/Team Shanghai Alice. This is a non-profit fanwork that may have references in it. I don't claim ownership of anything referenced except this story.**

**Original Post Date: 9/22/13**

**Edit Post Date: 10/20/13**

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Chapter 2: Pre-Announcement Show: Eastern Summer and the Sweltering Shrine

_Hakurei Shrine_

_One day since Kouringapping_

_Definitely midday_

The sun continues to bring unbearable heat whenever it rises. The Gensokyan summer is a harsh, unforgiving mistress, just like the youkai that represents the season, at least by consensus. The sun is currently hanging directly above a familiar shrine. Familiar not only to all who live in this land, but to those who seek a crash course in incident resolving. The success and survival rate of such a fledgling career is currently an astounding _1.8%,_ an all-time high for those who migrate into Gensokyo seeking to danmaku with the best! It's unfortunate that not many graduates attend the annual alumni picnic and sake social. No one even sends back an RSVP with "No" checked off… It's like they disappeared off the face of the earth! Their loss.

The Hakurei Shrine sits in the middle of a giant clearing, flanked by a tree on each side, and a storage shed off to the left of its entrance. A stone walkway leads straight down the middle into the main building, where a large donation languishes in a state of neglect, no doubt because the owner didn't see fit to tidy it up if no one even puts anything in it. The front yard of the Hakurei Shrine is _visibly baking_ under the sun.

Two brave souls are currently lounging outside, their efforts towards staying cool having failed them. One was a very small figure, a young-looking oni with misshapen horns that were poking through a head of long, unkempt orange hair. She wore a torn blouse, a purple dress, & chains around her wrists with geometric shapes hanging off of them. She can be seen hanging off the awning of the main building in a drunken stupor.

The other was the resident shrine maiden. She was dressed in traditional shrine maiden clothes, with a large red ribbon on top of her long black hair, and the detached sleeves which everyone can't get enough of. This girl is among the most well-known people in all of Gensokyo. She is currently sitting in a seiza position with a cup of tea in hand.

Surely, these two young girls will pave the way for future generations to learn their secrets to—

"Raayymoooo!" The oni yells in no direction in particular. "Why can't you shhpring fer one a doze emelectric fans that Rinno…Rina…Roske sellsss…" Suika drunkenly slurs out.

Reimu doesn't pay her friend any mind, maintaining her gaze off into the horizon. "You know that the shrine doesn't have the money. No one has donated anything ever since this heat wave started up." Reimu casually said as she takes a sip from her cup.

Reimu Hakurei is known as the Shrine Maiden of Paradise. Other than being a shrine maiden and the number one incident resolver, she is known as the creator of the spellcard rules which help even the odds in peacefully resolving incidents between humans and other supernatural beings of differing strengths. She has gone through her fair share of major incidents, so much so, it can be said that she is pretty much unbeatable in terms of straight-up danmaku. She possesses the ability to float, which doesn't sound great on paper, but thanks to natural talent and the power of the Hakurei Yin-Yang Orbs, she can float _away from reality_ and unleash tremendous amounts of mystical power at her foes.

If anything, the spellcard rules affect her among the most of anybody, but she has more than enough experience and natural talent to spare against any challengers. She is also _very_ honest and blunt in her speech, taking care to maintain the balance of peace and keeping everyone at arm's length, although certain company may be changing her ways bit by bit. Not that she'll agree with that in public…

Suika groaned as she heard the miko's explanation as to _why_ Reimu can't get a fan. "Uuurghh… That doesn't *hic* icksplain why ya can't just _take_ one from the store! I think I need to drink some more…" Suika spluttered out in protest, muttering the last line due to the heat taking its toll on her buzz.

Suika Ibuki is an oni of very small stature, but is very strong for her pintsized frame. Typical of an oni, she likes to drink alcohol like it was the last she'll ever drink, always enjoying herself and bringing good cheer and drunken chaos wherever she went. Unlike most oni, however, she possesses a very versatile ability, the manipulation and control of mass and density. You heard correct, mere scientific terms and concepts to most, but Suika makes clever use of them. She is able to grow to massive heights, create miniature clones out of her hair, and gather and disperse concepts such as _moisture_ or _population_ density! On top of super toughness, Suika is a formidable being, who may actually fight better when drunk.

She can always find a time to get tipsy, thanks to one of the few things she treasures, a gourd capable of producing infinite amounts of sake. It's also a sacred treasure of oni-kind, but who knows how she came across such a thing, what with her being drunk all of the time. Thankfully, she doesn't go around picking fights, she's very content with just lounging around and drinking herself silly.

Reimu scowled at her conversation partner, unsure whether or not to admonish Suika for suggesting that she _steal _from Kourindou, or admonish her for bringing up something _the miko has done before_. "I don't have any way to power it. I keep asking Yukari and the kappas to do it, but no one wants to help… Tch, they're just being cheap." She bitterly states as she goes back to her tea.

Suika just sighs and shakes her head in exasperation, unintentionally ignoring her gourd for a brief moment to think about her friend.

* * *

To her recollection, Reimu's attempts in asking for help usually come out very blunt, to the point that she sounds like she's strong-arming them for their services. The unlucky recipient would then find themselves staring into one of Reimu's ofuda as she decides to initiate a spellcard duel whether they wanted to or not.

Notably, she does a better job at stemming herself with fellow humans, who are almost always powerless and don't always have a great opinion of her. With empowered humans and youkai on the other hand, they face an unstoppable shrine maiden whenever they show _any_ form of resistance. There was that one time at Mystia's food stand; the poor girl knew she couldn't win against the red-white when she wanted something. She couldn't just hand out free food, but knowing Reimu… At least Mystia only had to give away _two_ orders of grilled lamprey…

Then there was that other time at the Misty Lake; Reimu _insisted_ that Cirno provide her with a way of staying cool, even if it was to strap the ice fairy onto her back. Poor Daiyousei made for the bushes as soon as the shrine maiden made her demands. Cirno, however, took it all in stride, as she didn't feel that Reimu was all that threatening. The ice fairy actually _agreed_ to Reimu's idea, and took to her back as quickly as you could say "Pi-chuun"! One almost frostbitten miko later, Reimu was slinging insults every which way, as she furiously rubbed her back on the ground for warmth. In her blitz of foul language, however, one ice fairy couldn't help but hear the red-white refer to her by a certain insulting word.

The ONE word guaranteed to set Cirno off in anger, amplified by her status as a regenerating fairy with the mind of a child.

**Idiot.**

No one left in good cheer… Least of all, the battle-damaged shrine maiden…

* * *

As Suika snapped out of her train of thought, she realized something disturbing: _she's becoming sober!_ Why else would she actually think about stuff like this if she wasn't drunk? As she raises her gourd of unlimited sake up to her mouth, one more idea lights up from the recesses of her mind.

"_It's hot, I have an endless amount of drink, and I feel hot…"_

Suika has her gourd hover above her midsection. *Splash!* *Splash!* "Aaaahhh~… _That_ hit the spot!" She said with relief, bringing her gourd back to her mouth in order to down sake with reckless abandon. As Suika tastes the sweet elixir of alcohol on her tongue, she begins to feel as if her body was weightless, floating through the air like a leaf in a gentle breeze…

***WHUMP!*** ...or like an oni falling off the roof…

Reimu jumped up from her seat in reflex, startled out of her peace-and-tea time. "W-what was that?!" In an instant, she equipped herself with her gohei, and looked from side to side to find the disturbance. "Is the shrine under attack? That sounded like it was very close!" She kept at for a few seconds until she turned herself back toward the shrine, giving up. What she found soon after would deflate any sense of urgency she might have had.

Suika had impaled her left horn into the ground, her body limp from the impact. She also sounded like she was sizzling a bit. Reimu hung her head in annoyance, dumbfounded at the sight of Suika half-buried in her yard.

"Waaaahh, did I make it to Heaven, yet?" groaned Suika.

Reimu stored her gohei away and began to walk over to Suika. As she was walking over to her, she realized something disturbing. Stopping just short of the oni's position, Reimu says, "Why do you sound like you're sober?" before grabbing ahold of Suika's legs and beginning to pull, "It's almost like the alcohol in your body has evaporated… *sniff* *sniff* and the alcohol _on_ your body, too." Reimu keeps pulling at Suika, making progress slowly but surely. "Come on, get out of my yard! Why are you so _heavy_?!" Reimu said as she continued struggling to free Suika. It's still _very_ difficult for her to even budge her, but she's about to have a little help from the very one she's trying to free.

Suika's eyes shot open at the mention of _her _and _heavy. _Her body suddenly springs to life with a newfound energy. Reimu quickly found her position around Suika's legs to be _very_ unsafe; she scrambled back to her porch, on all fours. Suika grasped the earth beneath her, and with a mighty _**heave**__…!_

_"Hrrrrrr...__**NYAAAAAGH!**__" _The tiny powerhouse liberated her horn with one dramatic swing of her head. Suika gave herself a good shake to loosen up, before turning to the distraught miko responsible for her second wind.

"Hey, Reimu! What's with that crack about my weight? That one was below the belt, ya' know!"

With that, Suika proudly held her hands on her hips and continued to defend her honor as a lady. "Oni may be heavy by how humans measure weight, but I'm proud ta' say, with my petite frame, I'm the lightest of _all_ oni!" The oni proclaimed with pride. Even with her very short stature, she commanded a large presence, as she was recognized in being one of the strongest beings in Gensokyo, powers or not.

Reimu continued to stare up at Suika, bewildered. Seeing that the miko was silent, Suika was swelling with a boost of confidence. "That's not even counting my manipulation of density! I can be as light or as heavy as I want! Among other things…, I forget some stuff when I'm sober." She sheepishly scratches her cheek, "Where was I…Oh, right! You shouldn't knock a lady's weight, especially someone who can—"

Reimu wasn't listening to her friend. Oh _no_, she wasn't. She hadn't been listening for the past few minutes. She had her eyes wide and trained on where Suika had unearthed herself. Her horn wasn't the only thing that the oni had dug up. The little pandemonium had managed to create a massive hole, nearly taking up a sixth of her yard! That's one sixth too many! Some of the dirt came out from under her walkway, only managing to stay up through a combination of quality construction, and a miracle. It could only stay up so long, though.

**That's not all**.

Looking back at the perpetrator, Reimu saw _where_ the dirt ended up. That same chunk of the yard had ended up being _skewered _onto Suika's left horn! Suika didn't even register that she had something attached to her! Reimu's shrine had been defiled. _The Hakurei Shrine was under attack!_

"—and you wouldn't _believe_ how many guys and gals would come knocking on my door, wanting some _hot tsurupettan action—" _Suika had been ranting for a while now, she didn't even stop to see that her audience had all but tuned her out! Or notice that chunk of earth she's currently suspending in the air, for that matter.

Reimu was grinding her teeth, trying to restrain herself from going off on her ignorant friend. "_Suika isn't even_ _drunk! How can she cause such destruction when she's hasn't had anything to drink?!" _Reimu was very close to losing it.

Suika still carried on with her speech, unaware of the killing intent _pulsing_ off from her audience. "—no one can _ever_ outdrink me, but I just might indulge them with what they wanted to do with—"

"My shrine…"

"Huh?" Looks like Suika finally wizened up. "Reimu, are you even listening to me?" She asked the shrine maiden, not noticing that Reimu was shaking in pent-up anger.

Reimu walked up to the oni, determined to keep cool. "Suika?" She pointed up at the incriminating obstruction on Suika's horn.

"Hmm? What are you pointing to, Reimu?" Suika looked up and to her left, nothing. Well, it's not like can see the offending clump, it moves with her head.

_**However**_… Suika suddenly jerked back, trying to steady herself as she suddenly registered the new weight added to her left horn. "Whoa, whoawhoawhoa… WAAAH!" She yelled, running and flailing in every direction in an effort not to fall.

Reimu immediately switched from rage to shock. If she falls over when she's like this… "Wait, what are you doing? I've got you! Wait, **WAIT!**" Reimu found herself chasing after the tottering oni, hoping that she can catch her before she does even more damage! "PLEASE! Stay still for _just_. _One_. _SECOND_!" Reimu pleaded as she was losing control of the situation. It was going to end in failure…

Suika had tripped over her own foot

As Suika was tumbling over herself, Reimu could only reach out for her falling body in vain. Time seemed to slow down, making a few _agonizing _seconds feel like an eternity. "Suika! MY SHRINE! _**NOOOOOOoooo…!**_" She screamed out, knowing what was going to come.

***TH-OOOM!*** Suika had impaled her other horn into the opposite side of the walkway, right into the other plot of dirt. The impact resulted in a slight tremor, spelling doom for the section of stone that was no longer being supported by what Suika had unearthed before.

The stones that made up the center of the stone walkway gave in to gravity, clattering against one another as they fell. As Reimu watched in abject horror, she found that her shrine had been ruined… _**AGAIN…! **_The destruction may not have made it to any of the buildings, but the damage done to her front yard would only deter any would-be followers, as no-one would want to visit a _dirty_ shrine.

"A—a …wh, uh!" Reimu was at a loss for words. "I…i-i… wh-y?" Reimu choked out as tears began to well up from her eyes. She held her arms closer to her body and brought her knees up to her chest, as if she was trying to reject what had happened, and protect herself from feeling even more grief resulting from the desecration of her shrine. Remiu sniffled, mourning the loss of a clean, well-kept shrine.

A mostly incapacitated Suika was currently baring witness to a sight that would usually stay well hidden within the shrine maiden's heart, Reimu was crying over the mess her shrine was made into. While the oni may be sandwiched between a large chunk of earth and …the earth, she couldn't bring herself to act the way she usually does in this kind of situation. Whether it was out of feeling bad for Reimu or the fact that she was sober, she could only feel responsible for the miko's plight.

The oni would usually bring cheer and spirit wherever there was someone who was down on their luck, or at least bring spirits. Sure there would be some collateral damage, but no one would be frowning by the time Suika Ibuki gets to you! She couldn't do that here, as Reimu would likely fall into despair the moment the oni dug her horn back out again, undoubtedly causing another hole. She would have to tread carefully… She looks to her gourd still in hand, and looks back at Reimu. It wouldn't fix everything, but it was a start.

"Hey Reimu, you need this more than I do." Suika said as she reached out and held her gourd out from under the rock. "You look like you could use a drink. I don't _really_ need it, but a human like you needs to stay in good spirits in this heat. C'mon, cheer up!" Suika said, smiling in the hopes of pulling Reimu out of her funk.

Unfortunately, despite that being a heartfelt gesture, Suika ended up reminding Reimu of the reason why this chain of events was even set off.

**It was STILL a blisteringly hot day.**

Reimu shot up from the ground as soon as the truth clicked in her brain. The gears of her intuition were beginning to turn. The heat caused her suffering, by making Suika douse herself in slippery sake; that in turn made Suika slip off the roof and plow into the ground. The heat supposedly also burned the alcohol out of Suika and caused her to be sober, and with the evidence of her being dangerous _without_ alcohol… What had happened may only be the beginning! Et cetera, et cetera, the true mastermind was the season of summer!

Reimu was going to have a word with a certain Flower Master of the Four Seasons.

"I _knew_ she would pull off a stunt like this." Reimu Hakurei spurred herself into action, once again pulling out her trademark gohei with one hand, and some sealing ofuda in the other. (Where did she hide those?) She was ready to administer some good old-fashioned danmaku right up someone's hitbox! "I won't let up against this unrelenting summer! Yuuka! I will see to it that you'll pay for this!" Reimu proudly proclaimed to the wind, a fire reigniting in her eyes.

From between a rock and a hard place, Suika could only roll her eyes as the Hakurei shrine maiden worked her usual intuition. Sure, it hadn't failed her when the usual incident would come knocking on her door, but this heat wave just feels like nature was taking its course. No one could be responsible for such a thing (yet), at least not the Sunflower Youkai.

* * *

Yuuka Kazami was capable of bringing sunlight over her vast fields of sunflowers. This, along with her gardening ability and her manipulation of flowers, gave her the title of "Flower Master of the Four Seasons". However, she only represented summer by proxy. There was a youkai, a fairy, and minor goddesses who were the _embodiments_ of at least three of the four seasons. It was by public consensus and hearsay that Yuuka was to round out and represent the remaining season. She may not have had anything to do with this decision, but don't expect to get a straight answer out of her.

Yuuka likes to mess with people who come to her, and believes in perpetuating the belief that youkai must antagonize humankind, regardless of how she just wants to live in peace. Put simply, she had nothing to do with the current weather.

* * *

Suika Ibuki had had enough. She was growing frustrated with having these lucid trains of thought, with this heat, and more importantly, with BEING SOBER! She wants to drink, dammit! With a tired look on her face, she casually raised a finger to the chunk of earth that still lied on her horn, and _flicks_ it off, spraying dirt and gravel out in one swift motion. She then plucks her other horn out of the ground, having gathered the humidity in the air to moisten the dirt in which she impaled herself on.

After shaking off the remaining mud, she looked back to the shrine maiden, figuring that Reimu had lost herself to her incident resolving ways to even acknowledge the additional damage she had caused.

With that, Suika turned toward the shrine and makes her way under the awning. Looking at Reimu again, the shrine maiden appeared to not have moved from her spot ever since she announced to no one that she was going to make her rounds.

"_Eh, she's a big girl. If she got out of her rut __**that**__ quickly, maybe she can do something productive after all. Now, on to more important matters…"_ Suika thought as she took several big swigs of booze from her gourd. "Ahhh, that hit the spot!" The oni said, exhaling in relief as she returned to lounging and drinking to her heart's content.

* * *

Out in the Forest of Magic, sunshine broke through the canopy, and scattered along the dense forest floor. As any resident of this land can tell you, many dangerous youkai lurk in the shadows here, and you'd have to be some sort of crazy to even get close to it! The Forest of Magic was also called as such because throughout the forest lies unique and powerful flora and fauna which are indigenous to the area. These were often used as ingredients in many concoctions and experiments that magicians would find use for. Not to mention the air just felt like it was _thick_ with magic, probably not by coincidence.

Enter Marisa Kirisame, an ordinary magician girl that fancied herself a witch. She's wearing a simple black blouse and dress, with a white apron hanging off her neck. Completing the look is a large, black, pointed witch's hat that fits snugly over her blond head of hair. A broom along with a half-full sack can be seen hanging off her shoulders.

She is a human girl who had taken to living in the Forest of Magic for unknown reasons, other than experimenting with and training in various magical arts. Like most everyone in Gensokyo, good luck getting an answer for that out of her. Like Reimu, she's very direct in her motives, but unlike her longtime friend's brutal honesty, Marisa is a very consummate liar. She may not be able to keep track of everything she spins, but when you're the #2 incident resolver in Gensokyo, you don't need an excuse for everything you do.

Marisa was casually strolling along the only road through the forest. She's heading towards the Hakurei Shrine to see if her friend can play today. If not, free tea. As she was strolling along, a familiar figure flew past her, heading in the same direction. This elicited a smile from the witch.

"_Heeeey_, _Alice_~!" Marisa shouted. She was trying to flag her down, her voice ringing through the immediate area. The girl turned her head back to see Marisa waving at her frantically, with the corners of the witch's mouth stretched wide in a friendly smile. The girl who was known as Alice let out a small sigh, and began to slow her flight so she could land without a hitch.

Alice Margatroid is a puppeteer living out in the Forest of Magic. She usually wears a simple get-up consisting of a blue, white-sleeved dress, a pink hairband through her medium-length blond hair, and a capelet around her shoulders. Today, she's going sleeveless. She's almost always seen carrying a book that is always locked up. No one can seem to agree on her eye colors, though. Not even Alice herself. (Today, they were green.) People _do_ agree that Alice is very pretty for a young lady. You would be forgiven if you didn't realize by now, that Alice wasn't human.

She is a full-fledged magician, a youkai that looks and acts the most human out of every classification of supernatural being. Unlike most species, however, an ordinary human can find the means to change into a magician. Whether one is born through magic or birth, a magician doesn't need to worry about many things a human would. Sleep and hunger can be cast away. To those who turn, they may keep doing so out of habit. Alice still does, implying that she was once human, and that it hadn't been long since she made the change.

As she was setting herself down, Marisa ran up to her friend in earnest excitement, but it appears that Alice doesn't share the same sentiment, as her expression remained somewhat blank.

"Hey Alice, what's a girl like you doing in these woods, eh?" Marisa said, placing her right hand on Alice's shoulder. Alice brusquely swats her hand off.

"Hello, Marisa. How are you?" Alice replied rather distantly.

Seemingly hurt from the snub, Marisa just smiled and said, "Aww, why are you being so cold to me? Aren't we supposed to be best friends or something like that?"

Alice was unimpressed. She wasn't going to have any of it, not today. She pressed her fingers against Marisa's forehead, and retorted with a slight smirk, "I'm surprised you retained _some_ sort of madness in your head, considering you have should have spilt it along with your brain, that night over at Kourindou."

At the mention of the accident, Marisa winced and took a step back. That night wasn't one to write home about for the magician. "Sheesh, you sure kick a girl when she's down, why'd ya have to bring that up?" Marisa quietly uttered and took a step away from the puppeteer.

Alice's delicate features then broke into a frown. "Oh no, you're not getting away this time." Alice was quick to grab the witch by the collar of her blouse, "Do you even know what you _did_ to me that night? I believe you deserve what happened to you and more!" She then shoved Marisa away, "Seriously, with your lifestyle of dishonesty and thievery, you aren't even_ trying_ to be a decent human being!" Alice spat out, bitterness lacing every word.

"Hey! What's with the third degree?! What did I do?" shouted Marisa. As much as she was a carefree girl, Marisa couldn't keep up her smile after Alice dealt that harsh insult. Marisa was made of strong stuff, letting most insults slide off her, but hearing those words coming from one of her closest friends had put a dent in her spirit. Alice seemed to detest her at the moment.

It's not as if she can stop being who she is: an eccentric, magic-obsessed, sticky-fingered, compulsive liar. It's been that way for what seems like ages now, with no one really able to challenge her and make her change her ways. Even before and after her first defeat against Reimu, Marisa was always one to do what her heart told her to, even if it meant leaving the comforts of the Human Village, and seeking out thrilling new forms of magic to learn. At least, that's how she luckily ended up.

If it weren't for a certain someone who had taken her in for those early years, who knows if she'd even be standing here now.

And so, Marisa falls back on a lesson she knows all too well: if someone throws the first punch, fight back. With a fancy flourish of her hat, Marisa creates distance between her and Alice, whips out her Mini-Hakkero from under it, and summons her broom to sit on, all in short order. Crossing her arms in confidence, Marisa flashes a toothy grin and looks back at her verbal assailant. "Hey, I don't see you trying to make me a 'better person' as you say. I'm doing just fine, Alice." Marisa said, tossing and catching her Hakkero in the air a few times.

Alice maintained an air of nonchalance, "Hmph, so you intend on perpetuating your brutish ways and telling me to shut up by force?" She readied her hand to call forth her dolls at any moment, "You're always like this, Marisa, shoot first and ask questions later, if you even bother with questions. After all, you're only human."

"Tch, who are you to lecture me about being human? You sit in your dollhouse all day, surrounded by your _life-like_ dolls. You've been holing yourself up in there for so long! I'm starting to think you're looking _exactly_ like them!" Marisa shot back.

Having seen Marisa fire herself up, Alice stood her ground, but what Marisa said just now didn't sound like fighting words. In fact, it sounded like praise. "I think I'll take that as a compliment." Alice said, brushing her bangs out of her face.

Marisa's smile grew wider. Alice let her guard down and had taken the bait. "I _mean_, your skin's looking all pale, your eyes look glossed over, and you don't move from your dollhouse unless someone _makes_ you move. You're such a fun sponge, Alice~." Marisa said, beaming at the stunned look Alice was now giving her.

Taken back by Marisa's counterattack, Alice went back to being angry at Marisa, gritting her teeth at the frustration of dealing with the witch. With a flick of her wrist, she summoned two dolls to her defense. One was dressed in red, with a white apron, and was carrying a shield. The other was identical, with the exception of wearing a blue dress, and wielding a spear. Clutching her sealed book against her chest, Alice was ready to fight back.

"At least I don't live in a dump like _your_ house. I can't imagine the sight people will find, after they unearth your garbage-laden hovel from the gigantic hoard of stuff you will have eventually amassed." Alice dramatically spread her arms out, "I can see the headlines now, **Maniac Magician's Body Buried In Massive Dump, Merges With Myriad of Mushrooms!**" she countered, a dark smile clearly being seen on her face.

Marisa dismounted her broom and raised an eyebrow at Alice's last remark. "_Just what kinda thoughts are going on in her head?"_ She thought. As Marisa tried to talk back, her thoughts kept returning to the amusing caricature of her covered in mushrooms. "_Better not have that image take over my thoughts, I don't want to lose focus here…"_ Marisa thought to herself, trying to stifle her laughter. *snrk* Marisa's smile began to turn crooked. Everyone knew that Marisa had an affinity for mushrooms, what with her using plenty of them as ingredients for her everyday life, and as fuel for her Hakkero. But not many people know that either making a pun or funny imagery based on the fungi was an easy way to bring a smile to the witch, bringing her ever closer to laughter.

Marisa kept trying to keep a straight face, as she couldn't help but picture herself covered in mushrooms. She may have a strange, morbid sense of humor… Marisa then shook her head in an effort not to laugh, not noticing the odd look Alice was giving her. Apparently, Alice wasn't privy to the Marisa's secret button.

Looking back at the puppeteer, Marisa had finally calmed her nerves enough to talk.

"You know, Alice, you shouldn't talk about finding me in my house in an embarrassing position. Whenever anyone knocks on your door, you always get crabby and want them to leave, so you can keep _playing with yourself, ze~!_" Marisa said with a knowing smile and her eyebrows flickering up and down.

Alice became very flustered. Her face flushed bright red at the last remark. Looking back at her dolls, they too have adopted looks of shock and embarrassment, tiny arms covering their mouth and eyes respectively. Alice stammered and shouted out loud, "A-aa-ah… I d-don't do anything like _th-that_!"

Alice was no longer as angry, instead she was very confused as to why Marisa would even joke about such a thing. It's not like she does it _that_ freque—"I'm just not used to having company all the time," she said, her blush beginning to fade, "I'm usually busy with… things. You know, experiments and puppetry and, huh, such…" Alice trailed off, starting to lose focus of the entire conversation.

"Wait, what are _you_ talking about, now?" Marisa asked, before Alice lost herself to introspection.

* * *

Alice Margatroid had always been a loner, from the moment people discovered her living in the Forest of Magic, to present day. She would spend her days refining her mastery of puppetry and assorted errands she would accept from others. It's not as if she shuns contact from other people, she just works better alone. At least, that's what she thought at first.

Ever since that one incident in which winter was still going on well into spring, she came across two people she believed she would never come across again.

Apparently, it had been some years since she had seen them last, but it was hard to forget the likes of the shrine maiden and the ordinary magician. Alice had expressed surprise in finding Reimu Hakurei again. Reimu didn't recognize her, however, and Alice ended up feeling insulted at her forgetfulness, resulting in a spellcard duel between the two, and Alice's defeat.

Two others would arrive not long after Reimu came and went, one of whom was Marisa Kirisame. Alice treated her as if they had never met, thanks to the lesson she learned with her _third_ defeat against the miko. Marisa had indeed forgotten who she was, as well.

The last visitor was a young lady, who bared a resemblance to someone else Alice had known. She was a maid who specialized in throwing sharp knives, and fighting with them. Similar, but not the same person she had known.

That's what she managed to gather, before finding out her memory of such times had started to become blurry at about around the time when she had moved to Gensokyo from… somewhere.

Whatever the cause of that hole was, Alice knew it made no difference to her. She was living a well-sustained life before rediscovering these people, and that would never change. Yet, she felt a little empty at the fact that she doesn't have anyone with whom she could talk to in honest friendship. Especially with the people who had made an impact on her life.

She had once fought against Reimu and Marisa, along with Yuuka and one other. They made the simple mistake of intruding into her… home. After a loss to all of them, she vowed revenge for her pain. Alice then acquired a powerful magical grimoire which exponentially increased her power and potential. She would train with it until she felt satisfied that she would trounce the interlopers.

It wasn't enough. After another loss to them with her grimoire of magic open, she was humbled. Alice vowed to never open it again, to rely on her wits and stratagem, rather than outright displays of power. To this day, she keeps it close to her, under lock and key, to remind her of that day.

It was unfortunate that Reimu and Marisa couldn't recall their previous encounter, but in the days following the Perfect Cherry Blossom incident, everyone involved in that mess would get together at the Hakurei Shrine. Everyone would be friendly and cordial with one another, as if nothing happened. Reimu and Marisa were especially being friendly and welcoming to her. It was then Alice realized that such memories and experiences weren't necessary in connecting with others, and that she could be free in living a broader life than the one she had confined herself to.

Eventually, she would come to know many more characters that she would interact with in the years to follow, each and every one with their own story to tell, and personalities that flourished in this crazy world.

But Alice always found the need to return to her home and keep working on a certain goal. Something that she was driven to accomplishing, back from when she found herself alone in Gensokyo and learning to craft and control puppets, something that was connected to and resulted from her missing memory of days past. She would never give up on it, even if she had the friendship to no longer need such a thing.

It was just something she felt she needed to do.

* * *

Marisa had been staring at Alice for the past few minutes now, wondering why her expression kept changing from sad, to happy, and then stuck on some sort of serious-looking. The puppeteer would mumble something about being humbled and lucky. Her dolls were still floating by her side, but both were lifeless and limp. It was rather creepy for the witch to see. Marisa inches herself closer to Alice and says, "Yo, Alice, you still with me?"

Alice blinked a few times in response to Marisa, and then quickly took a step back when she saw how close the two of them were. Looks like Alice finally brought herself back to life. Her dolls went through the motions of waking up, it would be rather cute, if it weren't in response to Alice believing Marisa was about to pull something.

"You! Don't think I don't know what you do to innocent girls when you get them alone!" Alice said, not sporting a blush on her face, rather a dark shade of blue. Marisa always had a certain _reputation_, which the witch would always play off as nothing big.

Marisa didn't budge from her outburst. Alice was on guard for anything she might do. Her dolls were stationed in between the two girls, and while they're meant to defend their master, they were trembling in place, betraying the fact that Alice was more startled than anything.

"I-if you're going to make a move on me, I'll be mad! Eh…"

Silence.

…

"Hehehe…"

Alice stiffened at Marisa, unsure what to make of—

"Hmhmhmhahahaaah, PAHHH-Haahahahaha!"

Marisa placed her hands over her midsection, and reared back with laughter. "That look on your face is too much! Oh, wow! Hhhhaha…You win, Alice. You-hoo-hoo win, nyehehe…" Marisa laughed out, declaring Alice the winner of their spat.

Alice became pale at the sound of Marisa's jubilant laughter. She opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, trying to say something, ANYTHING, so she can save some dignity.

_Wait_…, did she say she _won?!_

"W-what do you mean I won?!" Alice shouted out. "How could that even _count_ as a win for me?!"

She was livid at the prospect of such a victory. "If anything, I have lost _so hard_, the deep hole that my loss has created would implode on itself, and then _detonate_ into creating a mountain where I stand! _Only then_, would the idea of me winning this war of words even _start_ to make sense!" ranted Alice.

Marisa blinked away some tears that came out with a second fit of laughter, and responded, "That's just it; you clearly had the superior firepower here, 'firepower' meaning jabs at each other, although you let up a little in the middle, there." The magician casually walked up to Alice and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I mean, yeah, we traded a few verbal lowblows, but what are friends if ya don't screw with one another?" Marisa stated matter-of-factly, flashing one of her trademark grins at her friend.

Alice stood still at what Marisa had just said to her. The witch had a good point. Despite always seeming like she wasn't in a good mood whenever Marisa stopped by, the two of them always got along. The two really connected over their studying of magic and their conflicting personalities. Before she knew it, Marisa had become her best friend, someone despite some misgivings, Alice felt like she can depend on. And maybe…

A smile made its way onto Alice's face, as she began to think of the good times they shared. Any feelings of animosity that Alice held toward Marisa had vanished from her mind. As the dolls clutching their small tummies can tell you, Alice wasn't mad at all. No, she was far from it.

"Mmm-hmhmhmhm. Hmhmhaha. Hah-hahahahaha!" Alice tried to keep calm, but she eventually relented and erupted in laughter, trying very hard to keep composed, but failing very spectacularly.

It was Marisa's turn to be confused. She retracted her arm and addressed her crazy friend, "Hey, what's with you? Just how many personalities do you have, Alice?" said the witch. Alice doubled over at that statement, also doubling the volume of her laughter. Marisa looked at her friend with a neutral expression. "Gimme a break, yo. I LOST, okay?!" Marisa said, growing impatient and throwing her hands up.

"Oh! Oh dear, ha-ha, now _you're_ the tsukkomi here…! All right, all right, hm-hm, I'll calm down." Alice said, coming down from her high. Never once did she even think their positions would be flipped like that. Marisa was really something special. "Only you could do this to me, Marisa, you stupid, silly, stupid— *snrk*" Alice said out loud, placing a palm over her mouth, as she continued trying to calm down.

Marisa blushed at Alice's praise, but felt like a sap for being called stupid. She couldn't handle all these emotions right now! She carefully placed her hands on Alice's shoulders, and waited for Alice to notice her. "Alice… Please get back to hating me. I don't think I can… I can't _handle_ this right now!" Marisa shook her friend very hard, bringing her back to reality.

Blinking a few times after being shaken, Alice's eyes grew wide as she pondered what came over her. "Um, uh, what were we even doing, Marisa? Before _this_, I mean." She said, a little dizzy, and referring to her apparent mood swings.

Marisa held her pointer finger to under her mouth in thought. "Mmmmaybe it's your time of the—"

A doll quickly muffled her mouth. Alice was beginning to get annoyed again, back to her usual self. "Marisa, don't even finish that thought." She recalled her doll back to her side.

Marisa continued, "Is it something in the air? Maybe someone's trying to stir up something, again?"

Alice rapped her fingers against her grimoire, "No… The last incident wasn't too long ago. I don't think anyone would try anything without trying the patience of everyone in Gensokyo." She said.

Marisa clenched her fists, and placed them on her hips in exasperation, "Well then, I dunno. It's too hot for this kinda thinking, yo."

Alice had been looking down at the floor in deep thought, before doing a double take at Marisa, "Yo? When did you pick _that_ one up?"

Marisa shrugged, "Hell if I know, it's a thing, probably. Sometimes, it just comes to me, it's pretty great!"

Alice threw her hands up, fed up with finding out nothing. "That's it, I'm done." Alice groaned, "Do you just want to go to the Hakurei Shrine, like the both of us planned?"

Marisa shrugged, "Sure, why not? Maybe there's free tea?"

And so, Marisa and Alice headed off to the shrine, where their other mutual friend lived. Reimu at some point defeated them both in spellcard combat, just like almost everyone who had made their way into the headlines. That, of course, meant that they would be good friends. Reimu was always accommodating during times of peace, but kind of a jerk when it comes to her line of work. So right now would be a very good time to visit her, right?

Marisa and Alice were almost at the shrine's grounds, when Marisa recalled something that Alice mentioned before.

"Hey Alice, do you still… hate me for… whatever I did that night?" said Marisa, unsure of what really happened.

Alice's eyes grew wide open at what she just said. "Oh, that. I guess I never told you why. It's not like you could read my mind, huh?"

Alice had a nervous smile for a moment, before looking a bit sullen, "Well, you did do something I can't easily forgive just yet." Alice shut her eyes as she continued, "As to the injuries you suffered in trying to escape, I… I'm sorry…! I-I knew it was wrong, but at some level, I knew you would turn out alright." She looked away from Marisa and subconsciously clenched her fists, "But still, I wanted you to feel some of the pain I felt, when you went and destroyed months of my hard-worked research!"

Marisa listened intently to what Alice had said, struggling to take in what Alice had just confided to her. She then stopped walking, as she realized something, "Research? …Wait, you mean your new Goliath Doll was…?"

Alice cut her off, "Yes. Despite needing much larger amounts of components and magic, a larger body is more ideal for making an autonomous doll." Alice turned to Marisa, crestfallen, "My dexterity may be much higher than the average magician's, but the amount of precision required for handling such small parts would bring me to my wits' end. Not to mention that magic simply doesn't want to be compressed like that."

It all clicked then for Marisa, "Oh no. It's just like my Master Spark and my Hakkero in general. I put some magic, love, & fuel in, and it all just wants to come rushing out!" Marisa looked down to the ground, feeling ashamed, "I made your Goliath channel its love, _your_ love, into my Hakkero. I wanted to see if it could pull off its own Spark, but it wasn't built to do that, so it—"

"—was obliterated by its own magic." Alice finished for Marisa. "You had no idea of what else I put into it, but when I said I built it with love magic in mind, from scratch—"

"—I took it for a joyride, like an idiot." Marisa finished for Alice. She held her hands over her face. "I'm so sorry, Alice. I screwed up... I don't even know why you put up with me…" She looked back up, and Alice was quick to notice Marisa was eyes were beginning to water. "You said it yourself. I deserved everything that happened that night!"

After composing herself a bit, she bashfully scratched her cheek. "Except for maybe Eirin looking after me… Who knows what that doctor is thinking, behind her serene Lunarian façade?" Marisa managed to make light of the situation, a smile starting to peek out. "You were trying to make a doll that can think for itself, and I literally blew it for ya…"

Alice was surprised at how emotional and apologetic Marisa was being. She shook her head to the sides, refusing to let Marisa shoulder all the blame, "N-No! I'm only being dramatic again, I regret saying those things, as well as abandoning you!" Alice was flailing around with her words, but it was clear she wanted to alleviate Marisa's self-loathing. "I-I may not be the best at expressing myself, but I know for a fact, that this isn't like you! The Marisa I know doesn't let even the most serious of matters get to her! She's always able to smile in the face of adversity!"

Marisa was taken aback at what Alice was saying. "A-Alice, what are you talking about, I—"

Alice went on, "Even if I utterly hated you, from the bottom of my heart, you would still make the effort to get to know the real me." Alice then placed a hand over her heart, "That's what's so special about you, Marisa. You do what you love, you love what you do, and you take your life by the reins."

Mairsa was starting to feel uncomfortable with Alice's deluge of praise. "U-Um, sure I do… I'm… all about the love, after all."

"That may take you down an unsavory path to most, but that's why the rumors exist. You take the hearts of many people, through what you do." Yeah, Alice may have a penchant for the dramatic…

Marisa blanched at the revelation as to why those rumors exist. Sweat could be seen going down her forehead. "Wait, are you serious? What the _shit_, Alice? I don't wanna spread the love like _that_…"

Alice dramatically raised her other hand in the air, "That's why you're my friend, Marisa! That's why, despite your misgivings and vices, you are truly a breath of fresh air for all of Genso—**MMPH!"**

Alice was immediately set upon and her head was covered up by Marisa's witch hat, her muffled protest barely reaching Marisa's ears, "ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH WITH THE MUSHY STUFF! Goddammit, Alice! Are you going crazy on me or something?!" Marisa was at first embarrassed at being so highly thought of. Now, she was burning bright red at Alice laying it on so thick.

Beneath Marisa's hat, Alice realized what she had done, blushing furiously at her actions. "Mmm-dmmmph, Mmmbbmm tbbmm shmmmmr…"

"Hold on a second, Alice." Marisa said as she carefully brought her hat back off of Alice's head, her blush fading away.

"Whew, thanks Marisa. Anyway, I said, oh dear, maybe the summer heat really is getting to me…" Alice said in a clearer voice. "I may have let my emotions get the better of me."

Marisa waved a hand in dismissal, "Maybe this is that Summer of Love stuff that that Koishi chick was going on about."

"…What? What does that even…?"

"I have no clue. I may be all about love, but Koishi…"

The two of them stood there in silence for a minute, when Alice spoke up, "I forgive you, you forgive me?"

"Deal." With that, the two of them shared a firm handshake as best friends. Best friends.

Seriously, now.

Maybe later.

* * *

Marisa and Alice had finally made it to the clearing, where the Hakurei Shrine sat in plain view. Having made this journey many times, the two didn't even give a cursory glance at it, for if they had, they would have noticed some strange things a _lot_ sooner.

"Well, we don't wanna keep Reimu waiting, eh?" Marisa said with a hint of impatience.

"Yeah, we don't want her to stop practicing her tea-making skills, right, Marisa?" Alice asked her comrade.

"You always know what I'm thinking, Alice."

"As do you to me, Marisa, like peas in— a pod…"

"Huh? What's wrong? What are you looking at, A—lice?" Marisa trailed off, finding herself staring at the same thing that stopped Alice.

Someone was standing triumphantly in the distance, staring out into nothing. Whoever it was also didn't seem to be moving, it was as if they had been sapped of all their energy. Behind the figure lay a hole in the ground, with pieces of the stone walkway having fallen in.

"Reimu, what are you doing?" Marisa was quick to call Reimu on her weirdness, like it was par for the course. "Come on, why are you posing out here in this heat, eh? Let's go in for some tea!" It seems Marisa didn't all that much care about the state of the shrine.

Nothing. Reimu hasn't even acknowledged their presence.

Alice interjected, "I don't think she can even hear us." She waved a hand in front of Reimu's vision, "Nor does she even know we're here…" Alice then took the time to survey her surroundings. "Just what happened here, anyway?" It seems Alice cared a little more about the shrine's state than Marisa did.

The witch had had about enough weirdness for today. She ran up to the shrine maiden, grabbed Reimu by her blouse, and gave her a good shake. "Oi! Reimu! Wake your ass up and talk to us, alreadyyyy!" After shaking Reimu for a few seconds, the moment that she _let go_ of her… Reimu collapsed in front of them. You could hear her yelp from hitting the dirt, a pained expression on her face. Marisa panicked for a bit, "What the…? Alice, h-help me out here!"

Alice didn't need a cue, having already made it to the scene. She lifted Reimu up on one side while Marisa took the other, and then making their way up the porch. They brought her inside, and set her down in her futon to recover.

Reimu was whimpering under the covers, while Marisa and Alice couldn't do much but watch. Alice set her hand on the shrine maiden's forehead to see if she was ill. "It looks like she had been out in the sun for too long. She needs to cool down." diagnosed Alice.

Marisa crossed her arms, and held a hand up to her chin, as she took in this new info. "Hmm, Reimu should have an ice box around here. I should go—" She looked out the front door, where a certain freeloader had made her way in to escape the sun. "Hey Suika, do you know why Reimu just stood out in the sun, like a nutbar?" Marisa asked the drunken oni.

Suika was tottering in as she was posed the question. "Huuhh? Raymoo? Agh, she wuz goin' on about 'her shrine' this. 'nd 'summer' that… Justice, Yuuka, pffft, 's been standing out thur for… minutes." She drunkenly slurred out, not hesitating to take another drink for her effort.

Marisa swung her arm down in frustration, "Ah, forget you! I'm gonna go see if I can find this girl's ice box, Alice." Marisa walked off in search for ice. She muttered something as she walked away, "Who knows where it could be? Reimu was never any good with technology…"

* * *

Marisa had been out looking for a few minutes. Suika had unceremoniously passed out in the far corner of the room. During that time, Alice had taken the time to prepare and place a damp cloth on Reimu's head. Warm water won't do the trick, but it's a start. In the meantime, Alice had taken a seat close to Reimu, had taken off her capelet, and commanded her dolls to fan the fallen miko with it.

Reimu continued struggling to fight off her heatstroke under the covers. Alice could only smile at her spirited effort. "Now, now, Reimu, you should take the time to rest. Marisa and I are here to help."

The shrine maiden may have been awake, but it took until now for her open her eyes. The first thing she saw was her caretaker, Alice. "A-aaah, A-Alice…!" Reimu said almost inaudibly. This caught the attention of the puppeteer, as she smiled at her charge. "Oh~, A-Alice, Alice!" Reimu was trying to say something.

"What is it, Reimu?"

"Th-th-t-thank you!" With those words, Reimu smiled a very beautiful, appreciative smile back at Alice. Alice was taken by surprise; it was as if the gods themselves had blessed Reimu with a smile that could brighten the darkest of dispositions. They probably did. "Thank you _so_ _much_, Alice!"

Alice couldn't believe her eyes and ears! She needed to know if this was real! "C-could you say that again, please, Reimu?" she pleaded.

"Uh-huh! Thank you! Thank you, Alice! _Thank you_…!" Reimu nodded and repeated her thanks, as if on command. This would go on for a minute, before Reimu would tire herself out and go back to sleep.

Alice was grasping at where her heart was, she felt her heartstrings tugging every time Reimu thanked her. Reimu was really cute and adorable, when she wanted to show it. I mean REALLY cute and adorable! It was almost as if she were like a… like a…!

Alice shuffled her way up to Reimu's upper body, and took a good long look at her. Maybe, just maybe… Alice took great care to lift Reimu up gently, until the sleeping miko was resting just under Alice's chin. Her eyes were shining, and her smile was the widest it had ever been at the sight of Reimu using her as a pillow! Alice couldn't explain this rush of euphoria she was feeling right now. All she could think of is how she would like to stay this way for the rest of her days… Nothing would ever feel the same, never aga—

"Hey! I got the ice for Sleeping Beauty, over here!"

Just like that it was gone, replaced with a sense of dread, as Marisa happened upon the scene looking very confused. Alice's pupils had shrunk to the size of pencil dots, as Marisa came edging closer to her.

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"I found the ice box."

"Do tell. Where did you find it?"

"Hidden under a pile of Shinto stuff in the storage shed. Some holy rope, beads, whatever."

Alice nodded.

…

"Alice, what exactly do you think you're doing with Reimu?" Marisa asked, hoping for a _sane_ explanation for her friend with a crazy streak today.

Alice was sweating bullets; nothing she could do would save her dignity _now_. The only thing she can possibly do was to tell the truth.

"R-Rrr-Reimu! It was Reimu! When she woke up, she looked at me a-all appreciative, and it was _so cute!_ I mean _REALLY _cute! She fell back to sleep shortly after, and I couldn't help but want to snuggle her a little…" explained Alice. She hoped it would be enough to not experience an assassination of her character from the witch.

…

…

"…Is that _really_ what happened?"

"Mm-hmm!"

…

…

"Aw, COME ON! Why couldn't **I** have seen that, too?!" Marisa kicked the floor to punctuate her feelings. "Oh, man! This day is just looking for ways to screw me out of_ good_ things!" Marisa yelled with such volume, some of the fixtures in the room were shaking a little.

Alice gestured for her to be quiet, "Ssssshhh! Reimu's trying to sleep!" Indeed, Reimu was still the picture of innocence. After setting her back in her futon, Alice turned to Marisa, and had a disapproving look on her face. "Just what exactly do you _mean_ by 'being screwed out of good things'?"

Marisa's eyes narrowed when she heard what felt like a dumb question. "What do I _mean?_ I've only ever seen Reimu be 'cute' some fifteen years ago! I mean, you know how she always is with us, being all tough on the job, a big ol' balancing act, that's what that is!"

Alice pursed her lips as she thought about what Marisa said. It somewhat didn't make sense. "Marisa, you look fifteen now!"

"…oh yeah. I don't know why that is." Marisa scratched her head under her hat. "Hey wait, I'm supposed to be petty here!" The witch slapped both sides of her face a few times, psyching herself up.

For that brief moment Marisa was getting back into her mood, Alice took a quick look at Reimu and muttered to herself, "Balancing act, huh?"

Marisa cleared her throat and got Alice's attention. "My point is, if we had gotten here sooner, Reimu wouldn't have had to stand in the sun like a loony!" She crossed her arms and pouted, "I was looking _forward_ to that free tea!"

Alice let her jaw drop a little, as she tried to wrap her head around Marisa's justification for 'good things'. '_Did our encounter in the forest mean nothing to her then?_' Alice thought, before getting caught up on a point that kept making itself apparent up to Marisa's latest statement. "Tea? Y-You're this aggravated over _**TEA?**_"

Marisa felt the need to explain further, "Of course I am! Well, not completely, if I were refreshed by now, I would have made a book run over at Patchouli's! When it gets this hot, the SDM is in absolute disarray, perfect for a dash-and-grab!"

Alice couldn't believe her ears. Was that _really_ what Marisa had wanted to do? Normally, she wouldn't mind very much, but… "Couldn't you have done that another time? This is still summer, as far as I can tell." said Alice.

"Nah, Sakuya goes shopping for the SDM, today. Patchy's been going with her too, has been for a few weeks now. Don'tcha know that already, Alice?" said Marisa.

"Yes…she recently established some sort of service for the humans, as far I know." Alice said, before giving Marisa a look of frustration, "I already know where this is going, Marisa, can you get to the point?"

Marisa waved her hand in dismissal, "Yeah, sure! The point is, with Kourin still gone from his shop, they can't get whatever runs their new cooling system."

Marisa sat on the ground, and kept explaining, "Sakuya isn't one to just leave the money on the table and take things. She's all elegant and proper, and Patchy would have to bear with it, because she has to set up shop in the village. Sakuya would then have to go all the way to Youkai Mountain, and see the kappas for their cooling needs. That's a few hours, even after exhausting the chief maid's power to stop time. And it would take _even longer,_because Patchy would stick around in the village the whole time, making the maid stop back and pick her up, and then slow them both down with her asthma, ze!" With that, Marisa stood back up, looking very proud of herself.

Alice was surprised at how thorough the witch had planned it all. "You… you really thought this out!"

"I have it down to an art form!"

Although she was somewhat proud of her as well, Alice was still upset. She stood silent for a few seconds before speaking her mind. "But still, you would choose that over what we had back in the forest, Marisa? Doesn't that count as a 'good thing'?"

Marisa reeled in shock, and held her hands up in front of her, trying to dispel any misconceptions Alice might have had right now. "W-wait, where is _this _coming from?! I didn't mean it like_ that! _I'm just griping over what could have been, that's all!"

Alice looked at Reimu for a second, before looking back at Marisa. She was still hurt. "I know. I know you really didn't mean it. I… just wish you could think a little more before you say something like that. _If only you matured, Marisa. Just a little, then maybe… I can see us…_" She kept the last part to herself and sighed wistfully, before turning back to Reimu.

Marisa let out a sigh as well, feeling like she had screwed up something. "Urgh, come on, Alice…"

"Ah~ 'Come on', yerself!"

Marisa and Alice immediately turned toward the far corner of the room, where Suika Ibuki woke up an angry, hung-over drunk.

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of all these so-called 'shocking' turns of events!" Marisa scowled and said to no one in particular.

"Wawa-what do you th…ink I pheel about all this?! W-whoa…" Suika was having trouble with walking and talking, like that's anything new. "Everydaygh, I see yoo two danzing aroun' the lilies, why don' you two juzt… kick, kit…, kiss and mmmmake out, already?"

Marisa and Alice had a comical look of embarrassment on their faces. Marisa spoke up, "Don't you mean, 'kiss and **make up**'?"

Suika looked insulted, "No, and don'tchu lie to *hic* me! You two 'rrr so close to each *urp* other, I'm surprised you two aren't joined at the hips, already!"

Marisa looked somewhat lost with what Suika said, while Alice blanched. "**WHAT?! **How could you even SAY such a thing like that?!" yelled Alice.

A question mark could be seen hanging above Marisa's head. "What? I'm a little lost. Do you know what she's talking about, Alice?" asked Marisa.

Alice was sweating bullets… again. She couldn't just say what that meant, could she? "Um, Marisa? What Suika's implying is…" Alice motioned Marisa to come closer. She then whispered something in Marisa's ear.

…

"**WHAT THE HELL?!**"

"Agh, not so loud! It's still ringing something fierce in my brain!" Suika held her head in pain, clearly still hung-over.

Marisa turned beet red, as she finally understood what Suika meant by her last comment. "We're not like that in the least!" Marisa then started to twiddle her fingers together, " …I mean, I knew _of_ how you do it, I just didn't get the expression!"

Alice felt a little relief, but only a little. She was still wrestling with the fact that Marisa already knew of …how you did it, and somehow wasn't able to connect the dots with Suika's unbidden comment. Marisa was still young, as far as she knew.

"Aaaaugh! Every word feels like an assault on my head, I can't take it! Suika looked very pained from all the activity going on. She then calmed down for just one instant as something dawned on her, "Wait, didn't one of you say you had ice?"

Suika rocketed over to Marisa, who still held a bag of half-melted ice. She probably can't feel much in her hands after holding onto it for so long. The oni grabbed the bag and said, "Gimme that ice! I need it for this hangover, before I can drink again!"

Suika then started pulling on the bag, unaware that Marisa still had a hold on it. "Hey, let go! I can't feel my hands!" yelled Marisa.

Alice was quick to grab the bag as well. "Wait! We all need to calm down! Reimu's still sleeping!" Although the both of them were no match for Suika's raw strength, they knew Suika always dials it down in Reimu's house, lest she causes any damage. Oh, if they only knew what had happened beforehand…

"NOOO! Gimme the ice!" "Yo, watch the hands!" "No, please! Not here!" The three girls were supposedly in a stalemate for the ice, two of them in a deadlock, one with dead hands. But it hadn't occurred to the two blonds that the oni was already at the end of her rope.

"_**Nnnrraaaghh!"**_ Suika roared a mighty yell, tearing the bag away from Marisa and Alice, and tearing the bag of ice water wide open.

*Splash!* "_**AAAAIIIEEEEEE!**_"

The three warring girls stopped cold. They slowly turned towards the futon with fear in their eyes. Reimu Hakurei had woken to a bunch of ice water pelting her face. SHE. WAS. _PISSED_!

"What the _hell_ do you three think you're doing in my shrine?!" Reimu was the picture of rage to those who disturb her sleep so rudely.

Marisa, Alice, and Suika, all took a step back. They were still some distance from the front door, but Reimu would soon cut off their escape.

"If you think that I'm letting any of you get away…" Reimu held a spellcard in her hands, and in an instant, blinked into the vicinity of her assailants. "**[Divine Arts] Omnidirectional Dragon-Slaying Circle**!" A divine barrier formed around the shrine maiden, the force of it materializing had pushed the three intruders to its edge, yet keeping them in.

"W-Wait, Reimu! We can talk about this, let's not be rash!" "I-I only wanted some love! …I mean, NO! I didn't mean…! Not like…" "MY HANGOVEEEERR!" The witch, the puppeteer, and the oni all exclaimed, as they were held in place by the mighty barrier.

With one twitch of her hand, Reimu let loose a torrent of divine energy, completely engulfing the area with danmaku.

* * *

A few hours had passed, the dust finally settled, and the room looked like it was painted a darker color. Danmaku is always nonlethal, but its ability to damage was always dependent on the user and the nature of the spellcard. Almost every surface area had been burnt a little by Reimu's danmaku, but nothing was lost.

Reimu looked to her guests, and saw that they were still conked out. She walked up to them, and gave each one a whack to the head with her purification rod.

*THWACK!* *THWACK!* *THWACK!* The recipients were clutching their heads in pain, as Reimu looked annoyed at them. "That's what you get for pulling that prank just now!"

Suika was the first to respond, "This doesn't help me in the slightest!" she said, referring to her still-going-strong hangover, and the new headache the miko had given her.

Marisa was in the process of getting up when she spoke, "Ow… What was that for, Reimu? It was an accident! It really was!" Marisa was nursing not only her head, but also a bruised forearm that came more from the barrier letting up and her meeting the floor.

Alice remained on the floor, not willing to strain herself any further. "That's it. I'm done for today. Wake me when it's over…" She didn't pass out, but she wanted to.

Reimu stood there, concerned, but unconcerned, as her friends still needed to pay for what they've done. And maybe explain things… And apologize. It's not a big deal if they don't, as long as they know.

"When all of you are done just sitting there, I'll be right here, waiting for you to explain yourselves." Reimu walked to her table and poured a cup of tea. "If you don't…" Her eyes had a glint of light for a split second. There would be no mercy, if they decide to make a run for—

"Greetings, denizens of Gensokyo!"

The group of four craned their necks at the sudden voice in the air. Marisa wasn't feeling the voice's enthusiasm. "AAAUUGH! When will it end?!" she yelled out, holding her hat down in despair.

Reimu pursed her lips in thought. She knew there was only one person who could sound so happy while making an unwanted entrance. She threw her gohei up in the air, right as a gap had started to open in her living room.

*Thwack!*"Ow!" A familiar voice had yelped.

As the gap continued to grow in size, the gohei ended up falling back onto the wood floor. The gap began to form into a rectangular shape, static appearing in the center. To most people living in Gensokyo, the sight looked positively alien. To a lucky few, and to everyone reading, it was obvious as to what the gap had transformed into.

"Why is a TV coming out of Yukari's gap, yo?" Marisa asked the room?

The screen flickered to life, showing Yukari Yakumo clad in a purple business suit and tie that hugged her body. "That's right! It's your favorite observer, and all-around wonderful gal, Yukari Yakumo!" Streamers and confetti were going off behind her, while Yukari was posing for the audience. "I'm here to announce to everyone, everywhere, that there is something big coming to this fair land! Courtesy of yours truly!"

"What is that hag playing at? She's always doing this…" Reimu had her arms crossed, as she stared intently at Yukari's broadcast.

Suika decided to just dull her pain, and just drink her booze. She'll deal with it later.

"Something big? Count me in! As much as I like to kick back and relax with a few books, I'm game for anything she'll throw at us!" Marisa was excited for the next big thing that Yukari will impose onto the residents of this land. It usually made for fun times.

Alice didn't share her enthusiasm, however. Getting back on her feet, she looked at the screen, shook her head and sighed. "I get the feeling that this spectacle will be mandatory for everyone. Wait, did she say this was being shown _everywhere?!_"

Looking at the screen, one can see Yukari's smile grew a bit wider. _'Why, yes I did, Miss Margatroid. Yes I did.' _thought the Youkai of Boundaries, as she prepared to announce to everyone her latest scheme, one that will guarantee a new series of conflicts and craziness.

* * *

**A/N: I feel **_**much**_** better with this version of the first half of Former Chapter 2. Again, this used to be part of one large chapter, which has now been split into two. It may as well have been like that from the beginning.**

**To anyone who was looking forward to more from me, thank you **_**so much**_** for sticking with me! I've had my attention split between this and another fic, and I'm feeling the pressure from myself to keep going. Don't worry! I'm able to do it!**

**Once again, thanks to ****Another Man**** for his input!**

**In case you missed it, the next chapter will be an enhanced version of what was formerly the latter half of Old Chapter 2. Please leave a review! I'm out!**


	3. The Fantastic Ladies of the Fantasy Land

**Author's Note****: So yeah! IMPORTANT NOTE! This chapter was formerly attached to the last chapter, but now it has been rebuilt, faster, stronger, better than ever! Check the last chapter for anything that may have changed!**

**Once again, thank you, ****Another Man****, for the advice. I hope to bring up my skills and expectations!**

**Rated T for language, violence, suggestive themes, and plenty of weird goings on.**

**Disclaimer: I do not claim any ownership over any part of Touhou Project or anything referenced. Touhou Project is the property of ZUN/Team Shanghai Alice. This is a non-profit story.**

**Original Post Date: 9/22/13**

**New Post Date: 10/20/13**

* * *

Last Time On Gensokyo One Grand Prix!

Summer Declares War On The Hakurei Shrine!

"Damn you, Angry Sun! You've gotten ballsy, for you to directly attack my shrine in front of me!"

Reimu Hakurei was strafing around the perimeter of the shrine, exchanging bullets with a suspiciously small celestial body, which was currently embedded smack dab in the main building.

The sun itself was sporting an angry expression, with an oddly blocky outline. It's only response to the shrine maiden's words, was to launch fireball danmaku at her. The sun dislodged itself from the crater it made, the immediate area spontaneously combusting into tall flames, if not outright incinerated.

After hovering in the air for a bit, paying no mind to the needles and talismans that _did_ manage to hit it, the sun quickly swung itself in a circle, anticipating where Reimu would fly, and zooming into her path.

Her eyes widened in surprise as the sun was making its way towards her, but Reimu knew she wasn't out of options. She turned her herself upright and touched down lightly onto the ground. Reimu was feeling the heat, as the sun was closing in on her with frightening velocity, its angry face keeping still throughout the confrontation.

The Angry Sun was closing the distance, getting within arm's reach! Time seemed to slow down…

At the last possible second, Reimu vaulted over the sun, her body gracefully grazing the flares erupting from the solar surface.

The sun continued on its path, and eventually crashed into the trees, setting the immediate forest ablaze. Without extracting itself from its position, it seemed to turn around to face the shrine maiden, its angry face having yet to fade. It _did_ get angrier though, as it was literally flaring up, lighting more of the area on fire.

Two prominent flares went off on each side of its head, shaping into a pair of misshapen horns, with a ribbon on one.

Reimu prepared another hand of persuasion needles, as the sun was ready to go another round. "I won't let up against this unrelenting summer! I will see to it that you'll pay for what you've done!"

The two were facing off, staring long and hard at each other, which is strange, considering anyone would blind themselves if they stared into the sun. Also, because the sun isn't capable of staring back. Reimu and the Angry Sun then sprinted from their standing positions, floating just above the ground, they were ready to end it. Reimu let out a silent scream as she collided with the sun…

A large explosion could be seen from almost anywhere in Gensokyo. The Hakurei Shrine and the forest around it were laid to waste, with no sign of the Shrine Maiden of Paradise or the Angry Sun. It is currently unknown, as to who won that climactic duel. What everyone took from the battle was that they would never look at the sun the same way again.

The Forest of Magic Becomes The Forest Of Love!

On a calm, sunny day in the Forest of Magic, the sounds of nature were silenced, as the sounds of fighting went on over them. Two young ladies were dueling in a clearing, one dressed as a witch, the other manipulating a single puppet in the air.

Marisa Kirisame and Alice Margatroid were circling one another, taking care to not make any sudden movements.

"You _know _what I'm here for, Alice."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Marisa."

The two were slowly pacing towards one another; their hands twitching for their respective armaments should anything go awry.

Marisa tilted her hat upward, "Everyone knows of my reputation, my dear. You knew it was only a matter of time, before I came for you."

Alice remained indignant, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at the ordinary magician. "Tch, you presume too much. The day you darken my doorstep with your obscene schemes, I plan to fight them all until I prevail!" The seven-colored puppeteer extended her arm in front of her, a doll with a lance resting in her palm.

Marisa responded in turn, by wielding her broom by the bristled end, and attaching her Mini-Hakkero to the other. "It's not a matter of _if_ I take it; it's a question of _when! _I intend to claim what's mine from you, before day's end!"

"Just try me!"

"But of course!"

The pair then ran toward the other, weapons in hand. Marisa swung straight across with her broom, but Alice had ducked under it. She held her doll firm, and thrust the small lance into Marisa's side.

The witch stepped away from Alice, a hand clutching over where she was stabbed. "Tch, lucky." She took to the offensive again, grabbing her broom with both hands and swinging downwards at Alice. She was taken by surprise at Marisa's quick recovery, and only managed to dodge at the last second. The broom managed to make its mark, however, as the clothing around Alice's right shoulder had been torn off from the attack.

"Ack! A miscalculation…!" Alice didn't have time to cover it up, as Marisa was prepared to stab at Alice's midsection. Alice swung her armed doll up and away from the attack, deflecting it and then taking advantage of the opening with a well-placed strike. Marisa saw it coming, however, letting her broom fall from her grasp, and then catching it with her hands held apart, thrusting the broom downward onto Alice's doll.

***BOOM!* **The doll exploded between the both of them. Marisa and Alice jumped away from each other, with blackened hair and slightly singed and tattered clothes.

"*Huff! Huff!* Are you ready to give up, and surrender to me, Alice?" Marisa said, the blunt end of her broom having splintered apart. She ended up wielding it like a combat staff.

"Ngh… Not a chance! I won't submit to you, Marisa!" Alice said, rearming herself with a dagger-equipped puppet in each hand.

What followed was another exchange of blows, as Marisa and Alice deftly parried each other and landing hits where it counted. The puppeteer went on the attack, repeatedly slashing at Marisa's defense, chipping it away. During the flurry, Alice slackened her grip on a doll, and floated to just under the witch's line of sight for a surprise attack. Marisa was anticipating this, but Alice always kept it away just where if she pursued it, Alice would take advantage of the opening. Marisa knew better, however.

As she deflected yet another stab, Marisa brazenly stuck an arm into her own blouse, taking her broom in one hand in a reverse grip. "Kuh! Went in a little rough…" Marisa winced at the sudden contact.

Alice had hesitated to continue attacking, Marisa's 'unusual gambit' having successfully stalled her.

"Er… One second. I could've sworn… ahn!" Marisa's scrounging around could be misconstrued as something else.

All the while, Alice had blanks for eyes, and couldn't help but focus on where Marisa had inserted her arm. "Um, do you… need any h-he—?"

"I got it!" Marisa triumphantly brought out a vial that was glowing bright green, filled to the brim with a pulsating spongy matter. Before Alice could even ask what it was, Marisa had thrown it down between them, breaking against a tree root. A bright green explosion soon followed, spores hanging around the immediate area. Not a few seconds later, the spores and all traces of magical energy were rapidly converging into a single point, the material that was let loose from Marisa's vial.

"Wha… What was that?!" asked Alice.

Marisa looked on at the scene with pride, "I found those mushrooms just a week ago! They were hanging around the inside of my roof! I figured they had been absorbing any stray magic from whatever I've done, and when I wrung it out of them, they took whatever magic I had in hand." Marisa then flashed a toothy grin. "No more tricks, Alice, just you and me." She pointed to the spot where Alice's remote doll lain, lifeless and unable to be connected to its master.

Without a word, Alice equipped yet another doll to replace the one lost, and steeled her gaze on Marisa. The two of them resumed their duel of close-quarters combat. It was a veritable dance, being alternately led by whoever was attacking, Marisa with her untrained style of broom-swinging, and Alice with her precision and dexterity with her dolls, the ability to draw on most magic having been disabled. Perhaps it was pride that led the both of them to come to blows against the other. Wherever they struck, the other would recoil, making an effort to cover up their… wounds? As it turns out, neither of them were bleeding from their injuries, rather, there weren't any injuries to speak of!

Any successful strike would further strip them of their appearance, the both of them looking disheveled by this point. Marisa was being tired out from fighting, her swinging a larger weapon taking a toll on her stamina. Alice wasn't faring any better, her smaller weapons draining her less than her opponent, but the magic needed to power her doll eventually tired her out at the same rate.

"Are… Are you done?" Alice was panting and breathing hard.

"N-No… I told you, I'm coming for you. And… you can't stop me!" Marisa was slowly stepping toward the puppeteer, barely holding on to her broom.

Marisa was face-to-face with Alice, and she smiled warmly as she cupped her face. "Alice…"

In an instant, Alice brought her dolls' blades upward, and Marisa held them in place with her broom. They were locked in a power struggle, not willing to let up. As the two looked into each other's eyes, Marisa couldn't help but notice that Alice wasn't putting up much of a fight, the color of her irises having faded.

"I didn't want it to be like this…"

Alice's doll went slack, inadvertently hitting Marisa's midsection, but allowing the broom to strike down unimpeded. The puppeteer fell backwards, as Marisa looked on in shock.

It only took half a second for her to dive for Alice, and turn her away from hitting the forest floor. The two of them ended up sprawled out onto the dirt, Marisa having wrapped her arms around Alice, their clothes a barely recognizable mess.

After some time, Marisa opened her eyes, to see Alice looking defeated, but not in the way she would have expected.

"Y-you won, Marisa… You can… take what's so… v-very precious to me…" Alice quietly managed to say.

Marisa was shaken, she had won, but Alice basically gave up, showing just what this battle meant for her.

"N-No…"

Marisa was on the verge of tears, her hold on Alice tightening out of fear.

"I-I didn't…! Th-This wasn't supposed to happen! I…!" Marisa cried out. She reached for her hat, which had managed to stay on, and wiped her tears on it. "I didn't want to take it like this! Y-You! It was all for you, Alice!" Marisa took Alice's face in her hands and had them look at one another. Marisa managed a smile, as a sign of life was slowly returning to Alice's eyes. "I-If I took all of Gensokyo, if I took everyone's hearts, th-then we would have lived however we wanted. You and me, together, Alice!"

"That's why I left you alone, for you to see how our life could be, but in the end, I've gotten full of myself, and almost lost you…" A distressed look returned to Marisa's face. "I-I'm sorry! Really, I am! You don't have to forgive me though…"

Alice blinked, the spark in her eyes returned, having heard Marisa pour her heart out to her had reignited her drive to see her one wish come true. She then embraced Marisa, having no ill intent in her actions.

"A-Alice? What are you…?"

"Hmhmhm, to think, you being the thief you are, you never noticed you already taken a certain something." Alice lifted herself up to look at the witch with a warm smile of her own, "You have always had my precious thing, Marisa. You've always had my heart, ever since around when we first met."

A blush made its way to Marisa, "P-Please tell me you're not joking, Alice!"

"Mmm, Of course not, Marisa." lilted Alice, a sultry smile replacing her warm one, "In fact, I'm going to show you how serious I am…!" Alice closed her eyes and leaned in. Marisa was surprised, but responded the same way, as the two finally joined together under a k—

"_**STOOOOOOP!"**_

* * *

At the Hakurei Shrine, a group of five ladies were gathered into the living room. Reimu, Marisa, Alice, and Suika, were all sitting around the table, as Yukari was spinning the tale of what had happened last chapter. Marisa was shaking like a leaf, rocking back on forth on her behind, curled up and hugging her knees. "Th-that never happened! A-A-Alice and I aren't like that! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" she screeched out.

Alice looked away in pain and assured herself, "Sh-she's still young, Alice, don't take it personally…" She then tried to look like she hadn't been fazed by Marisa or the story. "That was a poorly paced atrocity, and I never want to hear your justification for concocting it."

Yukari puffed out her chest and huffed. "I haven't even got to the part where you two retreat to your villa, succumbing to your innermost desires, and making like rabbits in heat!"

Suika was doing a handstand, trying to ease the pain of her hangover-induced headache. "Um, are you talking about Earth Rabbits, or Moon Rabbits?"

Reimu scowled. She stood up and threw a few ofuda at Yukari's head. "OW!" She made no effort to dodge them, although they stung like hell.

"What was all that about me fighting a SUN?!" Reimu called out Yukari on her BS, an agitated look on the shrine maiden's face, "And what's with that bit in the end, why would I ever sacrifice myself, especially in a battle against a sun with a FACE?!" Reimu gnashed her teeth together, a clear sign that she wasn't happy. "_**AND**__ you went so far as to destroy my shrine in your story!_"

Suika was now reclining on her side, casually scratching her backside, and not taking into account Reimu's fury. "Iunno, the sun sprouting horns like that sounds kinda cool, I guess…"

Yukari finished peeling off the last of the charms off her face, a smile quickly masking any pain she felt. "I think we can all agree that I'm much better at spinning a tale than those gossipy tengu, eh?"

"No, you're not. None of that stuff ever happened. Leave your fantasies out of our lives!" Reimu said, throwing more ofuda and needles in short order at the boundary youkai. Marisa and Alice joined in, pelting Yukari with mushrooms and assorted crap, and gunpowder-filled dolls, respectively.

"OW! Owow-OW! Stop that!" Yukari was now making the effort to block the projectiles, with limited success, as she only used her arms to shield her face. Her body was getting stained and coated with the girls' projectiles. "At least let me get to the part where I introduce my racing tournament, dammit!"

"Then get to it, already, and stop delaying the actual chapter!" With that, Reimu threw her gohei right in Yukari's vision.

Static sounds, replacing the scene.

…

"We now return you to your regularly scheduled programing."

* * *

Chapter 3: Announcement Trailer: The Fantastic Ladies of the Fantasy Land

_The Human Village_

_Early evening, everybody wants to eat._

Yukari Yakumo was announcing to the world (of Gensokyo) about her latest entertainment spectacle. She was broadcasting live in her studio, through a centralized series of gaps to every major location. She was donning a purple business suit and tie, perfectly hugging her body in all the right places, her familiar mob cap still on her head. This is probably her way of trying to be stylish…

In the center of the Human Village's shopping district, a crowd had gathered around the gap. No matter what one's opinion on youkai here, one thing was made very clear early on. Yukari does what she wants, and there's no stopping her, so they may as well go along for the ride.

"I'm here with the cofounder of this esteemed competition, as we will explain to you what the Gensokyo One Grand Prix is all about!" Yukari gestured for her cohort to join her.

The crowd grew curious. "Gensokyo One Grand Prix? What is that?"

"What is this evil box that looks as if it hungers for my soul?!"

"It's probably just Yukari fooling around aga—"

*THWACK!* Another villager swung an empty tray onto the template-spewing speaker. "Don't say it! It will make it come true once more!"

"Ow! I think it already has!"

"Th-this is so weird! I… I don't know how to feel about that _dashing_ woman wearing such a handsome outfit!" *Zhwoop!* "Hmm? What's this? 'Call me sometime, honey. XOXO, Yukarin~' How do I call you?!"

Curious in more ways than one.

"This is ridiculous, Yukari! I'm not going out in _this_!" The crowd became quiet, as the camera panned to reveal the missing shopkeeper, Rinnosuke Morichika, struggling to remove an matching suit and tie to Yukari's, only colored blue, and garishly decorated with pictures of Yukari making a kissy-face and messages like "Yukari Luv" and "Gaps get me going!". "What?! Why are you showing everyone THIS?! Oh, OH NO!" He yelled out, before losing his balance and taking a spill onto the floor. The camera panned down to see his butt raised up to it, Rinnosuke having knocked himself out.

Laughter rang through the streets of the village, the crowd looking with rapt attention at the scene that unfolded. In the distance, someone was being dragged to the spectacle, protesting it all the way. "—But Keine, I don't want to be involved with that lunatic! I'm already dealing with another as it is!"

Keine Kamishirasawa only sped up her pace, as she brought her friend into the crowd, and literally planted her in front of the screen. "Now Mokou, you know that anything she does might endanger the villagers, so we need to protect and safeguard them from anything that happens!"

The crowd fell silent as they overheard Keine's warning. Fujiwara no Mokou, however, had managed to free herself. It was in vain, however, with the schoolteacher holding Mokou in place with an iron grip, and the Immortal comically running in place.

"E-Excuse me…"

The pair looked to their side, and saw a young-looking youkai girl, wearing a black and blue dress, and having a patch of blue hair that stands out on her head of white hair. She also had wings, suggesting she was a bird of some sort. "Do you know if that man on the screen is really the owner of Kourindou?" She pointed to the gap in question.

Keine turned back to the screen, and saw Rinnosuke's butt in the air. "Well…, that's probably him, all right. I can barely make out his features with… _that _in the way." Keine stared uncomfortably at the scene.

The youkai girl bowed slightly to Keine. "Thank you very much for your help." She said, before jetting off in the direction of the shop.

The pair blinked for a bit. "You're welcome?" said Keine, before Mokou tried to make a run for it again, the were-hakutaku once again hindering her efforts.

Yukari cleared her throat and everyone stood at attention. "Allow me to enlighten your curiosities with a brief history lesson, from yours truly! _That idiot just had to slip on himself. This was supposed to be his job! He owes me..." _Yukari didn't let everyone hear the last part, as she conjured up a pretty moving picture on the screen.

What was currently being displayed was a cartoonish looking race, in which a collection of colorful characters were competing for… something… No one could tell what anyone was saying, they weren't speaking Japanese. …Wait…

"Ever since the dawn of man, people have always sought out means to get ahead of the pack!" A cartoon dog snickered loudly. The crowd snickered in turn, at how out of place it was. "To prove their superiority the only way it mattered! Not just strength, not only wits, no, it was speed!"

* * *

A short distance away, a mysterious cloaked figure was keeping an eye on the broadcast, way off in an alleyway. To what ends does this stranger hope to gain trying to view it in secret?

"Hmm… What could she be thinking?" A large, bushy tail swished out from under her cloak, before receding just as quickly. The figure's glasses shined a light that seemed to obscure their facial features, to an extent. Other than the glasses, her head appeared to have long, brown hair, along with a distinct leaf-shaped hairclip. What? Did you really think it would be a guy? "Yukari is planning… a public venue for viewing… a race? Huh. The only contestants worth watching compete in such a thing would be—"

"Lady Mamizou?"

"EEEEYEP!"

Mamizou Futatsuiwa had been startled from her in conjecture, her civilian disguise almost failing her out of loss of focus. "K-Kosuzu! You scared me for a moment there!" She held a hand over her heart in illustration. "And please, no need to be formal with me. Just 'Mamizou' is fine, Kosuzu."

Kosuzu Motoori stood there with a puzzled expression on her face. "Lady Mamizou, what were you doing in this alley, here? We're you trying to hide from somebody?" she said, pacing slowly in front of the hidden tanuki. "Or maybe… you're following up on a lead, as to what that evil-looking lady is plotting?!" Kosuzu was bouncing in place, her light red twintails bobbing up and down, thinking she got her idol's thought processes down pat. She wasn't wrong, per se.

"Er, um, no. I was using, uh… the narrow walls of this alleyway to, hmm… practice my limberness!" Mamizou said, while propping up her backside on one side, and her feet into the other. She lifted a leg up to try to sell it. "I use them as leverage for my daily exercises! See? Exercising! Nothing conspicuous here!" You could practically hear the failure of an excuse barely able to keep itself up. Most people would call BS on such a flimsy lie.

Kosuzu wasn't most people. "WOW! Hiding from the bad guys, AND putting it to practical use! Hahh… What _can't_ you do, Lady Mamizou?" Kosuzu swooned, the fangirl that she is.

This was not the kind of thing Mamizou needed right now. Although the young bookkeeper had taken a liking to her, she had proven hard to handle when it came to subtle affairs. She blamed some strange lady who fancied herself a princess AND law enforcement. That already sounded like a strange person, but the crazy lady had weird perceptions of what constituted justice. Thankfully, Kosuzu hadn't inherited such ideals, but wasn't above declaring that Mamizou would "stop criminals in the name of the full moon", among other things.

She needed to nip this in the bud, before Kosuzu decided to march up to Yukari and poke her with a broom, "marking" her for Mamizou's "divine judgment". "That's quite enough, Kosuzu. You must scurry along now. This is a job for adults."

Kosuzu looked a bit disheartened, for about all of a second. Her eyes grew wide, and a blush was on her face, coming to some sort of far-fetched assumption. "OH! Oh my, you think of me as an adult! I'm so flattered, Lady Mamizou!"

That didn't go as expected. Kosuzu took to hugging herself, as she recounted her assumption, "Eventually, when your mission calls for it, you must take someone that you trust with you, on what they call a 'midnight rendezvous'! Is my heart ready for such a thing? Even if I was unsure, if it's you, Mamizou, then I wouldn't mind it if you took me in your arms, and made off for the nearest secluded hideaway, where we would—"

Mamizou's eyes bulged as she heard the tale that Kosuzu was spinning! _'I knew of her admiration towards me, but I __never__ expected it to go this far. It seems like it's going out of control! For Kosuzu to be so full of lust…! Lust? An emotion going out of control? Where have I heard that before?'_

On a nearby balcony, a lavender-haired girl was staring blankly at the pair below. She then panned her vision to look at …us, the screen, before flashing a quick thumbs-up, and disappearing into an open window.

* * *

On this hot summer day, there aren't many places that wouldn't feel the heat at some point. Despite being surrounded by the _Misty _Lake, the Scarlet Devil Mansion was probably the _worst_ offender, becoming a giant hotbox whenever there's even just a little humidity in their summer day. This fact wasn't lost on the eponymous Scarlet Devil.

Remilia Scarlet would keep finding herself waking up in the middle of the day, well before she had any business waking up because she was a vampire, pretty nocturnal to begin with. This would have an effect on her servants, as they would tend to her for a few hours more, a few hours where Remilia was more irritable. After summer would come and go, she would apologize, begrudgingly, to everyone who lived there, and promise to sleep in for a few weeks. It's a start…

Earlier this summer, Remilia had gone so far as to contract the kappas to install something called an "air-conditioning" system throughout the mansion. If it conditioned the air to be colder, then it sounded just fine to the Scarlet Devil! She had signed a contract, it looks like. She believed her signature and seal would be more than enough payment, but that's not how deals work. Her good friend, Patchouli, would have been there to manage the deal, but she was bedridden due to the humidity worsening her already weak health. If she were feeling better, she would have stopped Remi from signing away the Mansion's money, and figuring out that it was also a _service_ that she had bought!

The A/C would still be installed, but the catch was they had to pay for the energy it used, every week they wanted to use it. The details were weird, but the kappas were nothing if not trustworthy. The saleskappa had genuinely jumped for joy when Remilia finalized the deal, and it wouldn't go over very well if Remilia decided to cancel it before summer's end. The Scarlet Devil keeps her word.

Fortunately, an arrangement was made, so that the purchasable energy units could be bought at Kourindou. This would shorten the trip needed to do so, as Youkai Mountain was very far, and Kappas go to the Human Village infrequently.

* * *

Today, Rinnosuke wasn't at his shop, the day they needed A/C, and nobody knew where he was! Remilia was _very angry,_ stewing in silence as the daytime staff prepared the residents' dinner, and early breakfast for the vampire sisters.

The food had been laid out, and the fairy maids had already taken their share from the kitchen. All that was left was for the important people to get to the table. Sakuya Izayoi was the first to arrive by virtue of already being present. Remilia's younger sister, Flandre, then skipped into the dining room. Patchouli Knowledge was well enough to make it, but her familiar, known as Koakuma, was not far behind. The only one who hasn't made it yet was the door guard—

"Greetings, denizens of Gensokyo!"

Yukari's reach knows no bounds, rather, it was boundless.

The gap hadn't turned into a screen yet, and Remilia was quick to get up out of her seat and confront her. "Yakumo! What is the meaning of this?!"

"Ow!"

Remilia was confused. "I… didn't do anything, yet."

The gap had taken on the familiar shape of a flat-screen TV. "That's right! It's your favorite observer, and all-around wonderful gal, Yukari Yakumo!"

The younger Scarlet was kicking the table in disinterest. "This is boring. Can I have the sundae now, onee-sama?"

At the mention of "onee-sama", Remilia became very pleased with herself. "But of course, my dear, sweet sister! Sakuya!"

At her beck and call, Sakuya was immediately beside her master. "Milady, don't forget that the young mistress must answer one more question before she can claim a dessert." Sakuya politely addressed her master.

"Ah, but of course!" Remilia turned to Flandre and clapped her hands together. "Now Flan, what do we do when the gap lady is knocking on our door?"

Flandre went on to look like she was thinking very hard, determined to get her sweet prize. "Mmmm, is it 'close the door on her, because she's crazy'?"

"That's right, Flan!" Remilia was floating in the air, posing triumphantly at Flandre's correct answer. Immediately after, she adopted a sophisticated stance, and floated back down into her chair. "Sakuya, please retrieve her reward for twenty correctly-answered questions." She commanded.

Like the punctual time-stopping maid that she is, Sakuya was already beside Flandre, holding up a sundae that looked like it was lifted straight out of a magazine. "Here you are, young mistress. You deserve it."

"Yay! Bloody Strawberry Sundae, my favorite!" As soon as Sakuya handed her a spoon, Flandre was ready to chow down.

"Ah ah ah! What do you say, Young Mistress?" interjected the head maid.

Flandre couldn't believe she forgot to polite about her ice cream! She smiled wide and said, "Thank you, Sakuya! Thank you, onee-sama!" She then tried to delicately eat the sundae, before deciding to just devour it.

Sakuya smiled back. She was proud of Flandre's continued success with her social skills. "You're welcome, Lady Flandre."

Remilia was positively with glee at her sister's thanks. "I'm so proud of you, Flan!"

Across the table, one resident was looking rather negative of what was going on. At least, she looked a little more so than she usually looks. "Honestly Remi, why do you insist on showering your sister with such sickeningly sweet praise?" Despite being currently buried in a book, Patchouli couldn't help but cut in and comment on Remilia's peculiar behavior.

The elder Scarlet practically snapped her neck to face Patchy for her comment. 'Remi' looked ready to do the same to her if Patchouli crossed a line. Flandre was too into her dessert to care.

"Don't RUIN THIS for me, Patchy! You just don't know the joys of having a little sister who listens to you!" Remi impetuously said.

Patchouli hesitated for a second, and set down her book as she looked at her longtime friend, with the same bored look she always sports. "On a related note, why do you insist on having the young girl address you by the title, 'onee-sama', every single time she speaks of you? As far as I know, with the exception of China, none of us hail from Japan or the Asian continent in general."

Remilia sat back down in her seat, and brought her hands together in a way that sinisterly obscured her mouth. "Why do I do it, you ask? You already know why, Patchy." A devious smile made its way onto Remi, a childish fang poking out, "It's because my darling little sister is _precociousness incarnate, moé,_ if you will. I simply intend to nurture this trait like any older sister would, and groom Flan into the strongest vampire on all sides of the border! Mwahahahahaaa!" Remilia broke into a fit of mad laughter. The other residents, save for the fairy maids, had seen it all before, and didn't react at all.

Patchouli got in the last word, "Sounds more like a case of reading too much of my manga. You've contracted an incessant case of Japanophilia."

Remilia immediately fell backwards with her chair. '_What does that even mean?! The nerve of that girl, who does she think she's talking to?!'_ Remilia monologued in her head. She would attempt to get in the last word herself…, "Now listen here, Patchy! I—"

"Er-hem!"

The table of ladies turned their heads toward the gap, where an incensed Yukari was staring back at them. "I don't want to interrupt this, admittedly rare, instance of family bonding, but I have an announcement to announce. It would be a shame if you were left out of the festivities." Yukari let out a mocking smirk as Remilia was getting worked up some more.

"Damn you, gap hag! I'm not in the mood for your games! Why don't you just cut to the chase and—"

"Sorry I'm late, everyone!" The doors swung open and Hong Meiling came running in apologizing as Remilia was about to tell Yukari off. Meiling had no idea she was about to run headfirst into the gap…

*Whump!* "Agh! What is this? What's going on?!" Meiling's voice was muffled, stuck in the gap, and from what it sounds, into something soft. That's everyday Meiling, for you.

"Aaaah-n!"

The one indication that something was wrong, however, was Yukari putting on a surprised expression and blushing profusely. The door guard was promptly ejected from the gap and sent sprawling onto the floor.

Yukari was angry, but her body expression was somewhat timid, crouching down and away from the camera, "Wh-what the...?! At least buy me a nice dinner, before you go and do that!"

Meiling was dazed a little bit, and couldn't respond for as much. "What happened? What did I stick my face into? Does anybody know?"

Remilia had hidden under the table, only peeking out after Meiling posed the question. "D-d-don't ask me! Someone else get to answering her, I don't want to!"

Flandre had already gone back to enjoying dessert after Yukari tried to get their attention. "Hmm? Answer what, onee-sama?" she said after swallowing a mouthful of ice cream.

Sakuya held a hand over her mouth and was looking away. She looked back at Meiling after a few seconds, "Honestly, Meiling I shouldn't have to connect the dots for you." When she spoke, she remained the picture of elegance, but a blush had made its way on her face nonetheless.

Patchouli had returned to her book some time ago, but as she was about to find out, her familiar had paid plenty more attention. Koakuma had gotten up off her seat and spoke in a textbook manner, "Well, you see Meiling, you had your head in between Yukari's legs. It was as if you were ea—"

Patchouli had thrown her book at her outspoken familiar. "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Koakuma!"

The little devil rubbed her head, trying to ease the pain of that literary assault just now. That didn't stop her, though. "You were trying to go do— mmph!"

Patchouli had tackled her and had taken to trying to muffle Koakuma's voice with her hat. "No, bad familiar, BAD! Stop getting excited!"

"Mmmm, diving…, phmmph, …ingu…, STOP! Let me be— mmph!" The two were tangled together, one trying to speak her mind, the other trying to silence her.

Yukari cleared her throat again. "You know, I'm getting sick of all these interruptions. Can't I just finish up, so I can go to sleep?"

Everyone took a good look at her and nodded "yes". Yukari allowed a sigh of relief on her end, "Good. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program!"

The moving image that proceeded was of a cartoony dog snickering. Meiling couldn't help but comment on it, "Man that dog is creepy."

* * *

At a distant location nestled in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, the residents of Eientei, the House of Eternity, had already settled in for dinner and a show, Yukari's broadcast smack dab in the middle of the room.

"My my, who was the Youkai of Boundaries addressing with that talk of 'family bonding', and 'interruptions'? So unrefined." the Lunatic Princess, Kaguya Houraisan, had openly addressed her subjects.

"I really wish you had tidied yourself up before dinner, Princess. You just locked yourself in your room, right after your daily fight with the phoenix girl…" Eirin Yagokoro was quick to admonish Kaguya for looking rather beaten up at the table.

"Calm down, Eirin. There's no harm in waiting to bathe, it feels the most refreshing the more you need to clean!" Kaguya flashed a smile at her closest servant.

Another resident was rubbing her head between her rather long ears. Reisen Udongein Inaba, as she was called, was inclined to agree, "Ah, I would have to agree with you, Princess! Between a day of hard work and being pranked, I like to just lay in the tube and soak it all in~."

Reisen let out a sigh of comfort, as the warmth of her bowl of udon and steak was wafting into her nose.

A group of rabbit girls were gathered in a corner of the room. One particular girl was sitting in front of them, closer to the dinner table and closer to Reisen's chair. She discreetly slides a floor panel open, revealing a few high-strung wires. She pulls one close to her… and Reisen's chair's legs buckle in on themselves.

"AAAAH!" A bowl of food could be heard falling on the floor, its contents spilling out. Reisen fell face-first into the food. "Oh no… I was looking forward to dinner…" The moon rabbit was crushed, more concerned that her meal had fallen victim to the same trickster who would torment her day in, day out.

Tewi Inaba was hiding a snicker from her target, even though it was plain as day that she was the one who pulled that stunt just now.

Eirin stood up from her seat, "Don't fret, Udonge, I'll prepare another bowl for you."

Reisen was still on the floor, mourning her late dinner, when Eirin assured her she would get to eat. "Ah! Thank you, master! I'm so grateful to finally get to eat!" Reisen clapped her hands together, and was swaying back and forth in her seat in excitement.

"Geez, act more like the Lunarians' pet, why don'tcha?" Tewi sneered from her seat, tossing her emptied dinner bowl onto the floor. Reisen shot her a dirty look. The earth rabbit didn't care. "Besides, you act like it's the first time I messed with your food!"

A danmaku bullet whizzed past Tewi's head. She continued to feel non-threatened. Reisen wasn't close to calming down. "It takes a lot of work to do what I do! I may not like it very much, but I've worked very hard to cultivate my image as the entertainment!" Reisen angrily justified her usual fanon depictions. It was indeed a tough job.

Kaguya gave her pet a warm smile, "Now, now, you're letting your competence slip out again, Inaba." She delicately held a long sleeve to her mouth, to avoid laughing very hard.

Just as soon as Reisen could animatedly vault through the air to deliver a high-budget bullet beatdown to the lucky rabbit, she settled back into being a level-headed, beleaguered bunny. "I'm sorry, Princess! Um, I'll do my best to not step out of line!" Reisen vigorously nodded "yes", and put on a hungry expression, as Eirin walked back into the room with a piping-hot bowl of food.

Tewi crossed her arms and huffed. "Tch! You keep saying the same thing every week! I don't even know why you bother!"

"What did I miss? I was only gone a few minutes." inquired Eirin, having missed what happened in the short time she was fetching Reisen some food.

"Nothing much, rabbits were playing with each other." said Kaguya. "Why don't we get back to the show? They're showing that game I like so much!"

The princess pointed to the gap, now showing a very polished world, with hills having eyes, plants with eyes, and carnivorous plants, without eyes. "I wonder if Shigeru-san received and forwarded my e-mail about putting in an anti-gravity moon level in the next installment!" Kaguya said to herself.

As the cavalcade of mustachioed men, princesses, and humanoid creatures were speeding along on a track made of rainbows, the announcer made her voice known to everyone. "So long as everyone is willing, the spirit of competition will overcome any animosity felt, not unlike the spellcard rules, yeah? All that flowery stuff!"

* * *

A young crowd had gathered around Mystia's food stand, Team 9 was chatting with each other as they ate grilled lamprey and other snacks. The owner, Mystia Lorelei the night sparrow, looked nonplussed at the sudden gap-like addition to her stand. "Well, at least I don't have to spring for a television anytime soon…" She served a fresh plate of sliced strawberries to the ice fairy on the other side of the counter.

"Dai-chan, why is that lady talking while those funny guys are flying on land?" Cirno asked, popping a strawberry slice in her mouth.

A green-haired fairy was looking at the broadcast when Cirno asked her the question. "I-I don't know, Cirno-chan. Those machines look like something the kappa would make…" Daiyousei meekly said unsure of what to make of all this.

Mystia raised an eyebrow at the fairies' words. "H-hey, why are you two attaching honorifics? Aren't we speaking English?"

Cirno looked at her friend with childlike curiosity. "I thought we were Japanese?"

The food stand was silent, as the diners were taking in what the ice fairy had just said.

Cirno continued, "Anyway, one night, a girl with bat wings told me I was adorable, and I couldn't say no to that! She told me I was something called 'moé', and that I should look it up!" Cirno pulled out a small book that said 'How to Learn Japanese' on it. "I couldn't find out what it meant, but the gap lady told me to start slow and gave me this! We're learning suffixes!"

Daiyousei was starting to cower in her seat, while Mystia approached Cirno's words with alarm. "Cirno, I really don't think this is the time or place to discuss what language we're supposed to be speaking!"

"Is that so~?"

A voice cut through the awkwardness from under the stools. The youkai of darkness, Rumia, was hiding out from the sun, lying face-up with her arms out on the ground.

Cirno dropped a few fruit slices into Rumia's open mouth. "That one made it in! How about another, Rumia-chan?" Cirno then dropped piece after piece in Rumia's mouth, her interest in the language matter having waned, to everyone's relief. She leaned outside the covers to another member, who was feeding berries to a group of insects outside. "Heeey,Wriggle-kun! Do you know what the gap lady is talking about?"

Wiggle Nightbug was tending to a group of beetles and flies when Cirno asked her the question. "Huh? What are you talking about, Cirno? I've been out here all this time!" Wriggle shrugged, also unsure of what was going on.

All of a sudden, a gap opens up, and a pair of arms grabs Wriggle by her cape. The swarm scatters, and Wriggle screams out in a high pitch, "Aaaahh! What's happening to me?!" The arms flew through the air and into the stand, plopping her onto a stool before disappearing. "Huh?" Wriggle squeaked out, her friends paying her no mind.

"I hope everyone is listening~." Yukari singsonged her words, as Wriggle stared and sat in fear and attention.

"Yes, ma'am…"

Just behind the food stand, three pairs of ears were indeed listening. The Three Fairies were spying on Team 9, hoping to find a way to prank th—

"No."

A gap opened up below them. They fell in, not expecting the need to fly, or the gap to open in the first place. "AAAAAH!" "Ooooohh!" "Eeeep!" Their screams were silenced as the gap closes in on them.

Yukari let out a message to anyone who would see what had happened, "Those three would only serve to muck things up. They'll be fine, don't worry about them. Just don't expect them in _my_ competition anytime soon."

Team 9 was none the wiser, as they carried on viewing the broadcast.

A pair of shoes can be heard shuffling quickly in the distance, along with various things in a backpack. A blue-haired girl approached Mystia's stand with some apprehension. She slowly walked in and announced her presence, "U-um, excuse me…?" Everyone in the small space turned to the newcomer. She shrunk under their gazes, finding the ground an easier thing to look at. "I-I-I was looking for… Rumia!"

The girl perked up at finding the youkai of darkness, still hidden under the stools. "Hmm? Do you wanna talk to me?" Rumia said with an inquiring mind.

The new girl took a sharp bow, clapped her hands together, and pleaded to Rumia, "Please! I need you to help me push the new product that the kappa and I developed! I came up with it, after I intercepted something from the outside world!_ Please help me!_" She looked to be really desperate for Rumia's aid.

Rumia tilted her head, looking confused. "Um, sure? I don't think I know much about technology, though…"

With that, the girl had stood up in excitement, "Really?! Oh, thankyouthankyou, thank you!" The kappa girl took Rumia's hands in hers and jumped for joy. Rumia was still unsure of just what's going on. "Oh! I'm Nitori Kawashiro, Kappa genius and engineer extraordinaire!" Nitori twirled in place while keeping hold of her overstuffed backpack. "I need your cooperation, posthaste!" Nitori immediately began pulling Rumia away from the stand.

Rumia was panicking a little at her being dragged into something she didn't at all understand. "Hey wait! Where are we going? What's…?"

Nitori looked back at Rumia with pleading eyes, "Don't worry about it, we just need you really bad right now!"

Rumia didn't want to, but this girl seemed trustworthy enough. "Is that so~? One second, okay?" She turned to her friends at the bar, who were also flustered at Nitori's sudden intrusion. "Misty, please put this on my tab?" Rumia managed to say, before the kappa flew off with her.

The rest of Team 9 sat there in silence. Wriggle was still shocked from Yukari handling her, Daiyousei was shaking in her seat, & Cirno sat there with her mouth hanging open. Mystia had carried on with her job, not looking very worried.

"Dai-chan, why did that girl just take Rumia like that?" Cirno asked with a childish inflection.

"I don't know, Cirno-chan, I just don't know." Daiyousei shook her head, thoroughly confused.

"Don't worry, everyone!" Mystia interjected, "Nitori is good people! She won't do anything Rumia doesn't want to do." She assured her friends as she served a plate of lamprey to them.

Wriggle took one and started to chow down, "Well, if you say so, Misty." she said, trusting in Mystia's words.

The broadcast continued on its merry way, sowing seeds of chaos and discord into all who watched. "Here to replace my indisposed co-announcer, here's a cute-looking piece of eye candy that just happened to drop in!"

As soon as she said that, a young-looking winged youkai literally dropped in onto Rinnosuke's unconscious body. She had on a cheerleader's outfit with 'G1' emblazoned on both sides, complete with pom-poms, her white hair with a blue patch freshly adorned with a black-and-white checkered bow. "A-ah-ah, what's going on?! What am I doing here? I thought I was at Kourindou looking for my books!?" The girl appeared to be very disoriented.

Mystia dropped her pan into the sink, the loud clang startling her friends. "Oh my, Tokikoooooo!"

* * *

A gathering of humans and youkai were lounging the day away at the Moriya Shrine, having to listen to Yukari's words whether they wanted to or not. They were invited to have fun by the goddesses who lived there.

"Honestly, she's almost as bad as me when it comes to half-baked plans such as this." The mountain goddess, Kanako Yasaka, poked fun at herself, her own machinations having had a hand in starting up a few incidents. Except the first one, that one was all Sanae. To her sides were the other members of the shrine, a young girl playing around with her funny-looking hat that seemed to stare back, and a green-haired shrine maiden who was staring intently at the broadcast.

"C'mon, Kanako, at least she's letting everybody _know_ of her hare-brained schemes!" The girl with the hat said. In reality, she was the co-goddess and founder of the shrine, Suwako Moriya, looking as young as she does mostly for the hell of it. She took a frog leap onto Kanako's shoulders, "At least that hag's more honest than this hag!"

Kanako wasn't pleased with the sudden hitchhiker that had taken to her, frantically taking to the skies. "Nrgh, get off me, Suwako! You always do something creepy when I can't see you like this!" Kanako was reaching for the froggy loli goddess, but her hands can't get a good hold on her.

"The only 'creepy' thing I've done to you was giving your mountains of faith a _squeeeeze_!" Suwako punctuated her last word by grabbing Kanako's "mountains" with gusto.

"**Aaaaaaagh**! Stop that! Sanae, don't just stand there, help get her off meeee!" Kanako was struggling to stay upright in the air, finally diving in sharply into the ground by Sanae's feet.

Sanae Kochiya was the Moriya Shrine's resident priestess. Ever since she had a more active hand in incident resolving, she has been becoming increasingly unhinged, and having trouble separating fantasy from common sense At least, more so than the usual denizen of Gensokyo. She hadn't said a word since the broadcast began. She still doesn't have any idea who had just crashed in.

"Sanae, what's with you?" Suwako got herself up from fondling Kanako, "You're staring at that screen like you do in your spare time! This is a party! Live it up!" The goddess gave Sanae a few good-natured slaps to her back.

"Huh? Oh, I'll take out the trash soon, Lady Suwako…" Sanae said, before drifting back to the screen.

"She's a lost cause, Suwako." Kanako picked herself up off the ground, "Whenever she finds something to compete in, she goes in guns a-blazing." she explained.

Suwako raised an eyebrow at the technically younger goddess, "I know that, already! Who do you think you were talking to just now?"

"I… I don't know, I'm still hurting a little… You just grabbed them so roughly, and then they met the ground…" Kanako supported her breasts with her forearms.

"Shutter chance!" *CLICK!* *CLICK!*

Two cameras had flashed right in the goddesses' line of vision. Two girls wearing rather contemporary outfits had descended in the goddesses' vicinity. "Ayaya, yet another instance of our deities getting cozy with each other! I like it!"

"Like, you said it, sister! This is _so_ going on my wall!"

Aya Shameimaru and Hatate Himekaidou had taken pictures and film of the two goddesses engaging in their shenanigans just now. The two were normally rather antagonistic toward one another, moreso on Hatate's end, but the two knew better than to act like that in the presence of the mountain goddesses, most of the time. Aya was taller than Hatate by a few inches, wearing a rather plain but sporty white blouse and black skirt combo. Hatate is slimmer, wearing a similar blouse like Aya's, but she has on a purple tie, and her dress is checkered with purple and black. They both had on a pointed tokin hat and long-heeled shoes, called geta.

Both of them were crow tengu, as their shared accessories can tell you. Crow tengu are a youkai species that can fly with great proficiency and speed. These two were also very inquisitive, especially for their race, as they both have taken the path of journalism through reporting for their newspapers, Bunbunmaru and Kakashi Spirit News, respectively, although, the latter is more of a blog…

With little warning, the two goddesses instantly appeared before them, looking as fearsome as they've ever been. "**What do you think you're doing with those, you foolish girls?!**" Kanako's voice boomed as if a thunderclap had sounded where she stood.

"**You didn't **_**really**_** think about how you've just shortened your lives, just now?**" Suwako said in a quieter, but more menacing tone, letting a deranged smirk appear on her face.

Everyone present at the shrine froze up, their faces contorted in various expressions of fear. Well, except Sanae, her eyes still locked on the broadcast…

…as well as the two tengu they were attempting to intimidate. "You get your copy, free!" Hatate said as she removed a chip from her camera.

Kanako would have none of it. "**Even if we would spare you, you choose to bribe us into taking **_**such**_**—**"

"Yeah sure, just send it in the morning!"

Kanako had an incredulous look in her face, as she looked to see Suwako lounging by the door, picking her ear. "What the hell, Suwako?! No one will take us seriously if we keep doing things like _this!_"

"Nope. We're sitting pretty in terms of faith, so I don't care about that, _one_, _bit_!" Suwako said, indeed sitting pretty.

"Lady Moriya is correct." A new voice had made its way into the conversation. A white-haired girl dressed in more traditional, leaf-patterned clothes was walking toward the excitable group, escorting three other figures as she did. Momiji Inubashiri carried a slightly curved blade on her back, as well as a decent-sized shield with a maple leaf emblazoned on it. "Although you can never be more careful, with the Hopeless Masquerade incident over and done, a crisis of faith is unlikely to happen for some time." With that, she smiled, and bowed in respect to the Moriya goddesses.

"Oh, come on, Momiji! Why do you have to be such a stiff at a casual gathering like this?" Aya chided her fellow comrade.

"Because it's the truth. I did come hoping that I would get to relax for a bit, but since you insist on calling me a stiff…" Momiji casually stretched her arms up, and sat down roughly onto the ground, "I'll just have to prove you wrong, as your gossip rag always is."

Aya was a little ticked off, but Hatate was quick to get a word in edgewise, "Like, why do you have to aim for us crow tengus' pride and joy like that? Even if it's true…" Hatate trailed off, knowing the truth, but trying to sugarcoat her words.

Momiji huffed with a slight smirk, "As you've said, Hatate, as a wolf tengu, I must always go in for the kill."

There were different species of tengu in existence, wolf tengu being one of them. Sacrificing a good deal of aerial speed and grace, wolf tengu were capable of seeing farther than crow tengu, as well as being able to smell out and target specific scents over a great distance. They still have air capabilities well above the average youkai, but they can also traverse land almost as well as they do air. In short, they were more well-rounded, but still a cut above many species.

As evidenced with Aya and Momiji's interaction, the two groups of tengu weren't always the most civil with each other.

"Momiji, why do you always have to be so _rough_ with me?" Aya said snidely, emphasizing a playful tone of voice.

"It's because your eccentricities in truth-telling have gotten me in _more_ than a little trouble." Momiji wasn't backing down, "I thought we were already over this?"

Aya shifted from a confrontational mood to a perplexed one, "Yeah, I know? Why am I saying something that's so obvious and established to us? It's like I'm explaining it to somebody…"

Hatate was flipping through her phone, when her eyes bulged at what she dug up. Keeping to herself, she tested her hypothesis by… turning to face us, the viewpoint into the story. She nodded in knowing what she found, and let it be. "Well now, no one will notice Hatate, now~." She quietly said to herself, chuckling a bit.

"Maybe it's this heat…?" Aya said to nobody in general.

* * *

Momiji's group were talking amongst themselves, having been ignored, and wanting nothing to do with what the tengu were caught up in.

"You know, summer is on the verge of ending. I should definitely be going out to paint the leaves red soon!"

"Yeah, and I'll have to make sure the crops come in nice and big! I'm not losing out to the Flower Master this autumn!"

The two who spoke of the fall coming in were of all people, goddesses of fall, albeit minor ones. Shizuha and Minoriko Aki oversee the turning of leaves, and bountiful harvests, respectively. They weren't very respected as goddesses, however, despite their earnest efforts.

"I know that this is supposed to be a time of celebrating our fortune, but the Youkai of Boundaries seems intent on disrupting it with this strange announcement. I feel both the presence of, and lack thereof, great amounts of misfortune heading our way." The most serious of the three can be considered a goddess, but Hina Kagiyama was a being who attracts and absorbs misfortune, taking it away from humans and sustaining herself on it. Although not one to want to sour the mood, she knew when things were about to get real.

The two minor goddesses turned in their smiles for expressions of worry and annoyance. They look toward the broadcast that still had Sanae staring at it like a zombie.

"At least the screen's some sort of spatially aware; I can see the whole screen wherever I walk off to." Shizuha sighed in a bit of relief.

Minoriko was listening in on what was currently being broadcast, "You're right… Oh, god! Yukari just brought in some poor girl to do her dirty work! Is that a cheerleader outfit?" she exclaimed in disbelief.

At the mention of "god", Kanako and Suwako were brought to attention at what the broadcast was displaying. Tokiko was being made to explain the Gensokyo One Grand Prix to everyone. Sanae had finally shown a sign of life, as her eyes were growing wide with anticipation.

"S-So, Yukari very g-graciously extends this invitation to everyone in Gensokyo… I mean everyone _famous_… Umm… line?"

"_Introduce the format that everyone will be subject to!__"_ Yukari whispered. She was off not very convincingly to the side, as she winked when the camera was on her.

"Ugh…" A grunt of disapproval can be heard from the camerawoman, but before anyone could call her out on it, the display had changed to something else. It was of a _very_ technological cityscape, various machines were hovering just inches above an elevated track, moving much faster than the camera can keep up.

"Although I'm told that this isn't the best footage to convey what I'm about to say, please pay attention as I explain things…" Tokiko cleared her throat in preparation for her infodump. Sanae held her fists up to under her face, eagerly waiting for the details to be dropped. "So, the notables of Gensokyo will group up into teams of unspecified size, and compete on circuits designed by her… excellence? This is getting to be a bit much! Ow!"

The exhilarating display of breakneck racing was cut off, returning to the studio room. An object was thrown at Tokiko, knocking her down. The object in question got up first, and was nursing her head as she did. It was Chen, the shikigami of Yukari's shikigami. "I'm sorry, Tokiko-san… I didn't know I was going to be a projectile today..." She apologized for something she didn't do.

"It's alright…" Tokiko groaned as she got up.

The camerawoman finally spoke up, "It's okay, Chen, you did nothing wrong. I wouldn't have made you do that, outside of a spellcard duel." It was Ran Yakumo, Yukari's nine-tailed shikigami. She turned the camera to her master, with a look of disapproval, "At least, _I_ wouldn't have, in this context."

Yukari didn't look like she regretted what she had done. With a snap of her fingers, the futuristic display had returned. Yukari only had one thing to say, "Do your job, dammit!"

Tokiko was scared out of her mind. She knew she didn't have a choice in the matter, so she went on. "And so, there are finer details to go into. Every race, each team must send out someone to represent them. They can choose to switch out with a teammate at a special cut-off lane by the starting line, or by the start of the next leg of the race, if that applies. The only other instance in which you can switch out is when your racer is **knocked out**. There are other restrictions—"

"_A race, a race, a race, a RACE!"_ As those thoughts repeated in her head, Sanae Kochiya had finally snapped. She sprinted for the Moriya Shrine's main building, leaving everyone in utter confusion.

Kanako was the first to speak up, "Oh no, just what does that girl think she's doing?"

Suwako shrugged, "Who knows? Hey, remember that time when she was 10, and she won that soapbox derby?

Her fellow goddess raised an eyebrow at that. "_Yes?_ What does that have to do with anything?"

Suwako adjusted her hat, the eyes on it blinking for a split-second, "Well, the moment she won, she kept yammering on about she won with divine help. How long ago do you think she was actually starting losing her grip on common sense, eh, Kanako?"

"Well, I would say since some time before the Palanquin Ship took flight, but—"

"**I HAVE RETURNED!**"

Everyone looked towards the shrine's main building and were all shocked by what they saw. Sanae was standing triumphantly before them, wearing a black, skintight jumpsuit that accentuated her well-developed body and leaving little to the imagination. A bold, green S can be seen on her left side, by her… shoulder. A dark green cape flowed from behind her, reaching down to her calves. The most important thing, though, was the mask that she was wearing. It resembled a simple visor, more than anything. It was mainly black, save for a stylized green S that made up the bridge of the nose and green feathers around the outside.

"Racer S has returned to race again!" Sanae proudly stated to the world.

The jaws of everyone collectively dropped at the appearance of this new Sanae. Kanako had managed to gather up the courage to speak first, "Sanae! Put something on less flattering, everyone can see _everything_!"

A few camera shutters can be heard from the crowd. Kanako then blinked up to Aya's camera and snatched it from her hands. "H-Hey! This is something big! I need pictures for… um, an article! Yeah, that's it!"

Hatate was off to the side, taking much more discreet photos with her phone. She couldn't help but chuckle to herself, "Hmm-hmm-hm, no one remembers Hata-tan." She was confident in her new ability to rest on the fourth wall.

Sanae was quick to childishly reprimand and correct her own goddess, "_Lady Kanako~_! I'm not _Sanae_! I am _Racer S_! _Please_ don't forget, next time!"

Suwako was ready to throw in the towel. "Well, this day is effectively ruined. What else can go wrong?"

"**AAAAAAAHHH!**" *TH-OOOM!*

A piercing shriek cut through everyone's minds, as something or someone had fallen right into the gap. A small tremor could be felt for all of a second. After a few seconds of hearing something shuffling around, the unconscious body of Tenshi Hinanawi had been ejected from the gap, sliding up to Racer S's feet. Looking back at the live feed, Tokiko was also knocked unconscious.

"…Oh boy."

* * *

"…when your racer is **knocked out.**"

Everyone who listened to that were surprised and shocked at the level of brutality this race seemed to incur. The only exceptions were those of the Underground. In the Old Capital of Former Hell, a gathering of rowdy youkai were cheering at the suggestion that this competition would involve a much greater amount of physicality, compared to the spellcard rules. None was more excited than a certain boisterous oni.

"Yeah! I already_ love_ where this is going!" Yuugi Hoshiguma boisterously shouted to the crowd. They responded in turn with roaring appreciation and good-natured punches and blows. None of them seem to have any effect on Yuugi. It seems that she was among the few underground dwellers that they believed were capable of taking the whole thing, unless you counted the residents of the Palace of Earth Spirits. Two of the residents of the Palace were also there to investigate the ruckus.

"Oh boy, that sounds like it could really shake up the status quo! What d'ya think, Okuu?" A girl in a black dress with green frills turned to her friend, a tall young woman with what looked to be a large gem centered on her chest.

"Unyu? I don't exactly know, but if everyone's okay with it…" Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji pumped her hands in the air, summoning her "Third Leg" Control Rod over her right arm. "I will be the one to bring the sun back to Former Hell!" She loudly proclaimed. The vast majority of everyone in the crowd vacated the space around her in caution.

A bucket had rolled into the space Okuu had vacated, two youkai in pursuit. Okuu's companion, Rin "Orin" Kaenbyou, had stopped its wayward rolling, and lifted it up to keep it in her sights. Inside the bucket was a dizzy green-haired girl in a white kimono, curled up on her knees.

"Kisume! Kisume!" A blond girl with a bulbous dress had taken the bucket from Orin's hands. "Aww, why does this keep happening to you, huh, Kisume?" Kisume's head came out of the bucket, and smiled at her.

Orin held her hands on her hips, "How _does _that keep happening, anyway? Can you tell me, Yamame?"

Yamame Kurodani had paled at the implication. "I-I don't know what you're talking about! It's not that Kisume is adorable when under distress, you know?"

The girls shot her a scolding look, especially Kisume. One girl was staring at Yamame with piercing green eyes. "You get to enjoy yourself at the expense of someone innocent. I'm so jealous!"

Such a statement could only come from one girl, Parsee Mizuhashi. She was capable of controlling envy and jealousy, and actually developed that from her own experiences of being jealous. "And what's with all of you?" She gestured to the large crowd, "Having the time of your lives, for who knows what reason. I'm _so_ jealous!"

"It's because I'm going to lead us to victory, Parsee!" Yuugi had walked up to Parsee, and hooked her around her shoulders, lifting her up from the ground.

Parsee wasn't impressed, "So what? For what purpose would anyone find _you_ useful? Actually, I'm _jealous_ that you were even given a chance to be useful!" Everyone laughed at Parsee's inherent jealousy, her complaints falling on deaf ears. ("You lumbering oaf, put me down!")

* * *

As the scene pans out, a sullen-looking girl was staring out at the scene, an appendage clearly focused on the broadcast that had made it all the way down here.

"Koishi, are you here?" No response. The girl with the third eye turned around to find that no one was in the room. She raised her voice, "Koishi? Where are you?"

"I'm right here, sister!"

Satori Komeiji turned back to the window overlooking the Old Capital. "Where are you?"

"Up here!" Turning up toward the ceiling, Koishi Komeiji was looking out the same window, only upside-down. "I wonder what's going on over there, Satori."

Satori focused her third eye back onto the scene. She could hear thoughts about the announcer girl being knocked out by something. After a few quick seconds, she brought it back. "I know what's going to happen, more or less." She closed her two regular eyes, thinking as to what it could all mean. "Koishi?"

"I'm still here!" Koishi was still topsy-turvy, her third eye unable to do the same things that her older sister can do… Koishi's own eyes were empty, in a way of speaking.

"I want you to promise me something." Satori was looking serious, despite still having partly lidded eyes most of the time. "It doesn't look like we will be able to ignore what is about to occur. I want you to promise me…" Looking back at Koishi, she wasn't there anymore. She wasn't anywhere in sight. Satori felt the need to continue, "…that you will be careful, and that you come back to me safe and sound…"

Not a sound was heard, as Satori decided to walk away from the window without her sister. As she opens a door leading out, Koishi's voice can heard for all of a few seconds. "Okay, sister. I'll come back and join the fun as soon as I can!" A feeling of excitement could be faintly heard from Koishi.

Satori looks back at the open window, and lets a soft smile out, "I'm counting on you, Koishi."

* * *

The broadcast continued to ring through the ears of every game's cast… I mean, the residents of every locale, _whaaat~_?

Yukari stood there, staring at _two_ unconscious volunteers. Rinnosuke had knocked himself out by accident, and Tokiko didn't know what hit her the second time. It seems that she has to pick up the slack around here. "Let's see if I can't steer this back to its intended course…"

The display faded into a rather realistic landscape full of trees, with pavement stretching and snaking its way through. That's because it _is_ real. A bunch of fast cars drove low to the ground, some of them making a detour to something by the starting line. A bunch of people quickly came out and did a swift job of changing a tire. As soon as they were done, the car sped off to rejoin the race.

"There, you see? Replace the vehicles with flying girls, and that's the gist of it! Oh, and spellcards _will_ be included. Just don't expect to use them very quickly or efficiently. This is a _race_. A _team race_."

* * *

"A team race…" Over at the Myouren Temple, Byakuren Hijiri had finished setting the table for dinner, when the Announcement was made. Almost of the followers who lived there were off doing their own things, but they always made it a point to arrive before the food gets cold.

Byakuren had been listening to Yukari's broadcast for a while now, and was currently feeling mixed about it. On one hand, it would enable the groupings to work together and connect. On the other, it was sure to get chaotic, undoubtedly throwing a wrench in her goal of bringing Gensokyo to harmony. "The fact of the matter is, despite her insisting it's a free choice, she's essentially drafting all of us into this spectacle…" The Buddhist saint said to herself. She then took her place at the table, and prayed, "I only pray that everyone will come out better and enlightened for it."

"I'm here, Lady Hijiri." Byakuren broke away from her prayer, and smiled. Ichirin Kumoi had walked into the dining room, her partner and cloud familiar, Unzan, not far behind with a stoic expression. "Is there something troubling you, sister?"

They weren't sisters in the familial sense, only in faith. Regardless, the two got along very well. The saint spoke up, "Only of what this 'Grand Prix' might entail. As much as I would prefer we spread the message along with our capable members of the Temple, we may end up sticking together, out of everyone keeping to their cliques." Byakuren stood up from the table, "Tell me, what of everyone else? Have you gotten word of their whereabouts?"

Ichirin and Unzan nodded in tandem, "Shou and Nazrin shouldn't be too far behind, although they may come in a little disheveled." Ichirin sighed, "Murasa has finished up her business with the ferryman and the shikaisen. She will be here late." Unzan formed some arms and crossed them, shaking his head in disapproval. "Hehe, um, yes. Kyouko is washing up, and Kogasa—"

"**SURPRISE!**" *WHUMP!* Kogasa Tatara had come out of a hole in the ceiling, only to end up crumpled on the floor, along with her umbrella. "Ow… Did I… surprise you…? Ehhh… I'll just lay here a bit."

At that point, a petite girl had walked into the room, a first-aid kit strapped to her black one-piece dress. Using her oddly shaped wings, she was able to apply some salve, and dress Kogasa's wounds, all at once.

"There, now don't do that again." Nue Houjuu warned Kogasa.

"Why do you have to sound so mean when you're being nice?" Kogasa pouted, used to hearing Nue try to be aloof and distant from everyone. '_Nue's a softie inside, I just know it!_'

Nue pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm not nice, please stop saying that." she said apprehensively.

"But it's true!" Kogasa had adopted a pose of childishness, similar to that of Sanae before her "Racer S" episode, "You always act like that, whenever you do something nice! At least it's not like these two, who stalked me for a long while, before they finally up and said something about living here!" The karakasa pointed to Byakuren and Ichirin, themselves looking surprised and embarrassed at what she said.

"Tch, no skin off my nose, but that last thing sure was creepy, even for me!" Nue went and took her seat, along with Kogasa.

Byakuren then addressed the nue, "Have you heard anything from Mamizou?"

"She was caught up looking into something over at the Human Village, other than that, Idunno." Nue casually stated.

Byakuren focused on the broadcast going on, "Well, until everyone arrives, let's pay attention to what Yukari has to say." With that, the Myouren group turned to the wall which the screen had been gapped into.

* * *

The broadcast continued, "Everyone is advised to adapt or create spellcards for practical use during the race. Just because you lock them in a timed spell, doesn't mean you can see where you're going." The display then cut to various clips of wipeouts, blue shells, spin attacks, what have you. "Among all things to take from this, is that it's a _team effort._ Spellcards, maintenance, camaraderie, and standing, all are important! If you don't have a teammate cross the finish line, or everyone who is was knocked out, you don't earn any points necessary to determine your standing!"

The screen cut back to Yukari, looking as serious as she's ever been. "You must _always_ strive to be the best, and ride into victory! There can be only one team who can claim the honor and title of 'Grand Champion Fliers of Gensokyo'!"

* * *

In the hidden world of Senkai, the Taoists have gathered just outside the Divine Spirit Mausoleum, to where Yukari was able to plant her gap and announce the race. One young lady was very excited for the event, her symbolically pointed hair twitching, as if they were ears.

"Mmm, yes. What an excellent prospect for a competition! Not only will it boost morale and popularity for us, but this is also a chance for us to one-up those ignorant Buddhists!" Toyosatomimi no Miko flourished her cape and turned to her fellow Taoists, "Together, we shall conquer the Grand Prix, and indeed ride into victory! Hahahahahahaa!" The Crown Prince couldn't help but enjoy a rousing bit of laughter.

Everyone present had a different take on their leader's enthusiasm. Mononobe no Futo was giddy with excitement, Seiga Kaku was rather indifferent to the whole thing, Yoshika Miyako mirroring her master's sentiments, and Soga no Tojiko—

"I'm not putting on the saddle again."

With Tojiko's blunt statement, Miko fell forward on her face, right onto the floor. Everyone looked inquisitively at the Prince, waiting for an explanation.

Miko tried to play it off, embarrassed at the prospect of having a nightlife secret exposed, "Haha, that's not what I meant by 'riding into victory', what are you talking about, Tojiko? I've never once—"

"It was a one-time thing. You practically begged me, every night, for me to wear such a thing. You _must_ have noticed that my desires did not include being ridden in such a manner…" Tojiko blushed at her own words. She was always rather to-the-point with her Prince, and she just blurted out something very intimate to everyone who worked there.

This fact was somewhat lost to them, however. Futo spoke up in earnest, "Saddle? To what ends wouldst a saddle be useful outside of riding a horse? What dost thou mean, Lady Tojiko?" Futo was getting the hang of how modern-day people spoke, but let slip archaic words from time to time.

Seiga casually filed her nails, having already found out Miko and Tojiko ages ago. "It's not a big deal, the secret stopped being juicy the moment the Crown Prince kept denying her relationship the _eighth_ time I asked. How long ago was that?"

Tojiko shot an accusing look at Miko, while Yoshika hopped excitedly in place. "Miss Seiga says they should get a room! Miss Seiga says they should just tie the knot, and get it over with! I'm all for taking it slow, though." The jiang-shi innocently said, apparently parroting what her master said at some point. Except that last part, that one was all Yoshika.

Miko and Tojiko were embarrassed to the point where they were crouching in on themselves, finding the floor an easier thing to look at. "G-Go, Team!" Miko weakly pumped a fist in the air.

* * *

After all is said and done, the broadcast was finally nearing its end. Yukari was standing in front of a map of Gensokyo, holding a large crystal trophy with a stunning moving image of the solar system embedded in it. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! The ladies of Gensokyo shall take to the skies, and will bring us a grand spectacle to behold! WHO'S WITH ME?!"

As Yukari pumped her free arm into the air, a deafening roar resounded throughout Gensokyo. People and youkai from all walks of life were cheering for the circuit to give them a good time. The ones who didn't cheer had their complaint drowned out by the cheers. Yukari had a smile on for the camera. "Formal registration begins in one day, but any eager participants may choose to shout out their entrance if they want. Are there any takers?"

Registration would begin, and the response would be like none other. Just what exactly is Yukari planning? What would she do for courses? Who will enter the circuit? All this and more, later on "Gensokyo One Grand Prix"!

* * *

Omake 2: Kobito of the Shocking Dismissal ~ Little Rejection

_The outskirts of the Human Village_

_Sometime shortly after Yukari recruited Tokiko_

"Hmm-hmm-hmm, look who wasn't supposed to get the invite." Yukari Yakumo was currently entertaining herself with some small talk, to a _very_ small person. Where are they, you may ask? "Just look in this soup bowl, for _all_ _the answers to your questions_." Yukari acknowledges the fourth wall, and tosses the bowl into the air. Spinning in on itself a few times, Yukari quickly sticks her hand in a gap, and playfully bats the bowl even higher. "It's like I'm not even trying~." She kept going at it until the bowl is gone from sight. "All right, that's enough fun, for now." At those words, Yukari brings her gapped hand back to her side, takes off her mob cap, and holds it out upside-down. Almost immediately, the soup bowl lands _perfectly_ in her hat.

Inside, you can see a _very_ small person. Shinmyoumaru Sukuna was currently dizzy out of her mind from the wild ride she had just taken. She is a distant descendant of Issun-bosshi, a kobito of legend. Kobito were very small people, who could set up civilization in unassuming locales, such as a patch of tall grass or a large pile of junk.

Shinmyoumaru herself was a few inches tall, wearing a pink kimono with a slight floral pattern. The bowl she was currently being dizzy in also belonged to her, having the same motif as her kimono. Along with her needle, the Miracle Mallet she used to instigate the youkai uprising incident was held to her side with a black obi around her waist. The Mallet was an artifact that once belonged to the oni, now treasured by the kobito race. It held the power to grant any wish at a price, a price that was often drawn out of the user. The oni had always been a bit twisted.

Speaking of twisted, Shinmyoumaru's eyes were currently in the shape of a swirl. She was lying along the side of her bowl, trying to regain her bearings. That same bowl had been tossed high up in the air by a certain gap youkai.

"To think, the announcement for my tournament had actually managed to reach your tiny ears." Yukari said to her incapacitated audience. "I didn't want you or your motley crew to participate, as punishment for what transpired in Double Dealing Character, Shinmyoumaru-chan."

Shinmyoumaru was struggling to get to her feet at this point, barely hearing what her tormentor had just said.

"Hmm, I don't like that name. It's too long, and doesn't roll off the tongue very well." Yukari said. She puts her cap back on and brings the bowl up to her face. "From now on, I think I'll call you Issun-chan!"

Issun-chan had fallen on her knees during Yukari's speech, but the sudden nickname had caught her attention.

"What? That's nice of you to call me by my famous ancestor, but that's not my name! (I o I) I don't even know that well for you to use that honorific!" Issun-chan said.

"Hmm? What was that, Issun-chan? Do you like your new name?" Yukari playfully insisted. She reached a hand toward Issun-chan, and began stroking her purple-haired head.

"N-n-no…! That's not my name! AH! Please stop what you're doing" Issun-chan protested, blushing whenever her head was being petted.

"Oh no, you're being mean to me, Issun-chan!" Yukari said, pouting. Unbeknownst to Shinmyoumaru, the bowl was starting to be suspended on one finger…

"I told you, that's not my na— Waaaahh!" Issun-chan said, before being interrupted by her bowl spinning in place. "Waaaahhh! Noooo! Stop it! Pleeeease! (t o t)"

Yukari immediately stopped the spinning bowl by clamping it down with her other hand. Shinmyoumaru was sent sprawling onto her back from the sudden stop. (X . X)

"Aww~. Look how _cute_ you look!" Yukari said to Issun-chan's prone position. "You sure are entertaining for someone I just met, Issun-chan! I'll let you do whatever you feel like, now." She puts Shinmyoumau's bowl down in the grass. "Don't think this pardons your lot from entering my circuit. If you manage to make one yourself, however…" Yukari crossed her arms and leaned backwards, falling into a gap.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna laid quietly for a few minutes. With her strength failing from what happened to her, she utters one last line, before blacking out, "I-I won't forget this~"

* * *

**A/N****: So this is the new and improved latter half of**** Chapter 2, now Chapter 3! It seems to flow much better than what was up last time! Although, let me say this now, that new first part is **_**complete nonsense**_**, absolutely non-canon to this story.**

**Yeah, this story may end up having a slow update rate. I'm busy with my other fic, and I've got a one-shot somewhere else to make. It's difficult, but I won't let this story wither away!**

**On the bright side, I'm actually more than halfway done with brand-new Chapter 4! More girls, more laughs! Who do you think will take it all? See you next time!**


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